Most people want to get married and have children.

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Introduction

Most

people

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want to get married and have

children

Use synonyms

. Perhaps they want to leave a trace or offspring after them

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

so that they become somehow “immortal”. And it is commonly said that

children

Use synonyms

are the ultimate bliss in our lives.

Although

Linking Words

many

people

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agree with

this

Linking Words

statement, to my mind, it is not true.

Body paragraph 1

Firstly

Linking Words

, it is always claimed that having

children

Use synonyms

brings happiness and meaning to one’s

life

Use synonyms

. To raise them well becomes an ideal for parents.

However

Linking Words

, I think that

although

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

may be true,

children

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are

also

Linking Words

a financial and psychological burden for parents. To have

children

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is to have responsibility. Parents spend all their time and money on their

children

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, for their education, clothing and other needs, and do not have much time or money left for themselves.

Body paragraph 2

Secondly

Linking Words

, many

people

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assert that it is in human nature to procreate and to see a part of them continue to live.

However

Linking Words

, I do not believe that it is necessarily instinctive. There are a lot of

people

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who do not have any

children

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and they do not have a tendency to see a part of them continue to live. I think having

children

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for

Add the comma(s)

, for this reason,

show examples

this

Linking Words

reason is very old-fashioned. We can have other accomplishments in

life

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for our name or fame

continue

Fix the infinitive

to continue

show examples

Body paragraph 3

Finally

Linking Words

, it is commonly stated that

children

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are our insurance for our old age and that when we get older they will take care of us.

Although

Linking Words

there are many

people

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who think so, I believe that they are no guarantee against loneliness in old age.

Usually

Add a comma

,Usually

show examples

children

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, whether they are married or not, leave their homes.

Besides

Linking Words

, it is very selfish to have

children

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for insurance. If you have a child, you have to accept the fact that he/she is

also

Linking Words

an individual and has his/her own needs, and will eventually have his/her own

life

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separate from yours.

Conclusion

To sum up, for most

people

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it might be the biggest happiness to have

children

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However

Linking Words

, I firmly believe that

to have

Change the verb form

having

show examples

children

Use synonyms

is not everything in

life

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People

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can

also

Linking Words

live full and accomplished lives without

children

Use synonyms

deeowizz

Jul 28, 2022

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Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

5.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

352 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

sedentary lifestyle
screen time
fast food
childhood obesity
poor nutrition
physical education
urbanization
safety concerns
indoor activities
outdoor activities
health awareness
fitness programs
exercise routines
dietary habits
academic priorities

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Some people think that the benefit of running a small business is to employ family members. What are the advantages and disadvantages of running a family business?

Plagiarism in the academic world has become a pressing problem in many countries today. What are the causes of this problem? What are some possible solutions?

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Nowadays, the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?