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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe the mass media have too much influence over people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The media is the main source of Information. In recent times, its effects of it on people have drastically increased so I do stand with the above point and I will explain a few points on how it has impacted a lot in the coming paragraphs. There are different types
such
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 as the Internet, Television , Newspaper and Radio. In earlier days, we used to depend either on newspapers or news channels for the latest news but now with the help of applications and social
media
Add a comma
media,
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 the influence has increased.
Initially
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, companies used to focus more on the research and development of a product than
launch
Wrong verb form
launching
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 the goods
although
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 the current scenario is totally vice versa they spend more on marketing.
For example
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, Mama Earth ( consumer product company) Its main strategy is to boost sales through Marketing through news
whereas
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 the goods they use are made originally by other
expertise
Replace the word
expert
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 companies with low budgets. Consider Hair
loss
Capitalize word
Loss
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 Oil.
the
Capitalize word
The
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 sales of it have grown 2000% without its own R&D.
Moreover
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, television has
its
Change the word
the
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 upper hand in all forms of business and personal life.They have an impact on celebrities'
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 and the film industry too. If handled with care it can spread a lot of positives. It's a key tool to spread awareness.
For example
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,recently there was a low-budget movie released in
theatre
Fix the agreement mistake
theatres
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for inspiring
Change preposition
to inspire
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 women to use sanitary pads, with
help
Correct article usage
the help
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 of a campaign the movie name Pad Man received lots of positive
and
Correct word choice
apply
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success from people around the country,but without publishing it would have not been possible.
To conclude
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, media is like a knife, where a knife can be used for killing or cutting fruits, it depends on how it is used
thus
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 it has so much power to influence the public.

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Task Achievement
Make sure to clearly express your main points and support them with more examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow and connection between ideas.
Positive Highlight
You presented interesting examples to support your points.
Positive Highlight
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your view on the influence of media.
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