IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think young people should be required to have full-time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #education #years
Nowadays, students have started working part-time
jobs
 alongside their studies. Even teenagers are actively taking a part in
jobs
. I strongly agree with teenagers looking up
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
jobs
 while studying. Taking up a job can help them develop as a person.
Firstly
, working and studying together can help them cope with finance management. Earning their own money can teach them how to use it in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right way.
For instance
, when a person starts earning money he/she better understands the value of it. On top of that, it provides them with
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
show examples
 to do whatever they want to do with their earned money.
Secondly
, having a job can add a plus point to their university admission process as some universities pick up more talented individuals who can juggle
between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
different tasks. People who can switch from one thing to another are considered more efficient than others.
For example
, students who work and study simultaneously become good at time management as they have more responsibilities.
Therefore
, they perform any other task with more efficiency
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
compared to other individuals. As it is stated, working part-time can prove beneficial for teenagers. I have a strong belief that students should take up
jobs
 during their studying years. In future, there will be more
enthusiasm
Replace the word
enthusiastic
show examples
 about working as well as studying at the same time.
Submitted by kaurarpanpreet11 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: