IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

1. Some people believe that the world’s increase in population is unsustainable, while others think it is necessary and beneficial. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #world’s #population
Nowadays, a growing
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
population
 has been the topical subject of debate. In
this
 regard, the opinion of the public is divided over whether it is unsustainable or advantageous. In
this
 essay, I will explore both arguments and conclude that
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 merit of
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 large
population
 is more effective than a demerit.
To begin
 with, there is an appealing ground- why a large amount of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 is beneficial. Clearly, an extensive
number
 of
people
 can expand industries which
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
show examples
 economic boom. According to a recent survey, China's development has been made because companies recruited new
people
 fit for
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 consumption of the emerging
population
.
Moreover
, a large
number
 of
people
 can have more chances to establish
further
 achievements for social contribution.
Therefore
,
this
 offers strong proof that
growing
Correct article usage
a growing
show examples
population
 is
necessary
Add an article
a necessary
show examples
factor
Add the particle
to factor
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economic and social development. Despite the abovementioned views, I contend that a lot of
population
 causes the environmental problems worldwide.
First
,
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 emerging consumption of goods due to
population
 can promote
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
industrial waste and pollution.
For example
, since
manufacturer
Fix the agreement mistake
manufacturers
show examples
Correct your spelling
throw
throwed
Correct your spelling
threw
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
electronic wastes
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the sea due to a shortage of recycled
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
, it causes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
water pollution.
Second
, uncontrolled urbanization due to
large
Change the article
a large
show examples
 amount of
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 can cause
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 shortage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
resource and food.
Hence
, considering
sustainability
Correct article usage
the sustainability
show examples
 issue, a large
number
 of
people
 have disadvantages because it
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
 numerous development which causes inevitable pollution. To sum up,
although
 there is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
merit
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 economic improvement, I contend that
uncontrolled
Correct article usage
an uncontrolled
show examples
 increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
population
 allows
negative
Add an article
the negative
show examples
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the earth.
Submitted by eosmagic00 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: