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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them

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In some nations, despite worsening health and fitness conditions, the average body weight of
people
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 is increasing.
This
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 essay will discuss the problems related to sedentary lifestyles and lack of time,
as well as
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 potential solutions. In today's society, a majority of
people
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 choose a sedentary lifestyle and prefer staying at home surfing social media rather than engaging in physical activities.
This
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behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 can lead to various health issues, including obesity, diabetes, and certain types of cancer.
Consequently
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, not only does their body efficiency decrease, but over time, their average weight increases.
Additionally
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, the consumption of fast
food
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 is on the rise
due to
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 time constraints that prevent
people
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 from preparing meals at home. Particularly, If individuals do not prioritize healthier alternatives or seek balanced information about their diet to make informed decisions, they may suffer from
overweight
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being overweight
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. It is important to recognize that there are solutions associated with overweight, the most significant of which is the implementation of heavy taxes. Governments should enact laws,
such
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 as imposing heavy taxes on junk
food
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, to incentivize
food
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 manufacturing companies to find effective solutions and promote healthy eating habits by emphasizing homemade meals.
Furthermore
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, companies and institutions should promote a healthy lifestyle through education, access to affordable healthy
food
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, and opportunities for physical activity. Encouraging regular exercise, promoting nutritious eating habits, and creating supportive environments for healthy
behaviors
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behaviours
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 can help enhance the
overall
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 health and fitness levels of the population. In conclusion, the mentioned cases can create adverse problems for all
people
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 and the government definitely plays a significant role in solving these problems.

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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, incorporating more specific examples and data could further enhance the argument. While general points are well-made, the essay would benefit from detailed examples that directly support the causes and solutions you discuss.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay could also benefit from more varied sentence structures to improve readability and interest. Experimenting with complex sentences and varied punctuation can enhance the flow and coherence of your writing.
Logical Structure
You've done well in structuring your essay logically, providing a clear introduction, development of ideas, and a definitive conclusion.
Supported Main Points
Your main points are well-supported and contribute to a coherent argument throughout the essay.
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
You have comprehensively addressed the task, presenting clear and comprehensive ideas related to the causes and solutions of the issue.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • physical activity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • exercise
  • unhealthy diet
  • fast food
  • urbanization
  • modernization
  • stress
  • awareness
  • education
  • government intervention
  • policies
  • promotion
  • sports
  • fitness programs
  • health education
  • taxation
  • public transportation
  • infrastructure
  • parks
  • recreational spaces
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