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Band 3.5

Some people belive that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters ( such as fast food, clothes and entertainment is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think bout their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #belive #children #choices #matters #food #clothes #entertainment #society #individuals #bout #decisions
To allow
Fix the infinitive
Allow
show examples
 a
child
 to make their own
choices
 on everyday matters
such
 as
Correct your spelling
food
show examples
foo
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food
show examples
, clothes and entertainment is a very common thing these days, especially in the western world. It is
Correct your spelling
believed
belived
Correct your spelling
believed
, that the earlier a
child
lerans
Correct your spelling
learns
 to take responsibility
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their own life, the better it is for their personal development.
Nevertheless
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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some people of the opposite opinion, as they believe, that
this
 might result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
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i
Change the capitalization
I
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 will discuss both
view
Change to a plural noun
views
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 and give a personal conclusion.
Firstly
, allowing children to make their own
choices
 in certain aspects of their life is
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beneficial
benefical
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beneficial
 for their personal development. A
child
 who is
for example
 allowed to choose
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
his
her
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 own clothes will become much more familiar with making an appropriate choice. A
child
how
Correct word choice
who
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 is always dressed by their parents will not learn that
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clothing
chlothing
Correct your spelling
clothing
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 to
Correct your spelling
choose
Add a missing verb
be choosed
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choosed
Correct your spelling
chosen
 either by occasion or by weather. On the other, is it possible that some kids might take
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
 of their freedom
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 Most kids are very naive and very often do not think about
consequences
Correct article usage
the consequences
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 which might follow
a
Remove the article
apply
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certain
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
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 would a
child
 choose to eat fast food
everyday
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every day
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 despite
of
Change preposition
apply
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the fact
its
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it's
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 unhealthy
.
Change the punctuation
?
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 To conclude, allowing children to make their own
choices
 on
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everyday
eyerday
Correct your spelling
everyday
 matters is a good thing as long these
choices
 do not have a negative impact on their
Correct your spelling
lives
life
life's
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
.
Submitted by miriamjohannadan on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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