Some people think that arts (such as painting and music) do not directly improve the quality of people's life, so governments should spend money on other areas. Do you agree or disagree?

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Throughout history,

Use synonyms

arts

Correct article usage

the arts

show examples

had

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

played an essential part in our spiritual life before transforming into a lucrative industry.

In contrast

Linking Words

, several opinions argue that because living quality can not be directly affected by

arts

Use synonyms

, it is better for politicians to navigate finance's current into other fields.

Although

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

principle will bring immediate benefits

in particular

Linking Words

situations, I partly disagree with it on account of the considerable profits provided by artistic manufacturers in the modern age.

To begin

Linking Words

with, giving priority to fundamental aspects

instead

Linking Words

arts

Use synonyms

showed its best effectiveness during difficult periods. To draw an illustration, a temporary ban on unnecessary jobs including artists and musicians was declared in North and South Korea after their

devastative

Correct your spelling

devastating

civil war.

This

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effort was made to save the workforce to construct buildings for homeless Koreans.

Hence

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, it is obvious that to quickly recover the living quality of people during critical circumstances,

arts

Use synonyms

investments should be minimized to give place for basic needs

such

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as food and housing. On the other side, the interests gathered

together with

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additional employment in creative industries can lift up the standard of a civilian's life. A clear example

Linking Words

also

Add a missing verb

was also

show examples

witnessed in later North Korea's redirection in national precedence from fundamental aspects to the promising

arts

Use synonyms

and entertainment area, whose product was able to take advantage of digital technology to spread globally and

then

Linking Words

earned

Wrong verb form

earn

show examples

numerous

Correct word choice

large

show examples

amounts of money from both local and foreign markets. By holding a

billion-dollars

Correct your spelling

billion dollars

show examples

entertainment,

this

Linking Words

nation had enough money to strengthen

this

Linking Words

industry’s workforce by enhancing living and education conditions. In conclusion, even though the priority of art in financing can

be varied

Wrong verb form

vary

show examples

depending on the status of a region, I believe the advantages our life received from

this

Linking Words

field are more and more remarkable

thus

Linking Words

investing in

arts

Use synonyms

will be the trend in the following decades.

phuongthao.3822Sun Jul 31 2022

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coherence and cohesion

While your arguments are coherent, consider providing clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to guide readers more effectively through your reasoning.

coherence and cohesion

Some sentences could be simplified for clarity. Avoid overly complex structures that may confuse the reader.

task achievement

Expand on your ideas regarding the economic benefits of arts with more detailed examples or statistics when possible.

task achievement

Consider offering a more balanced view by acknowledging the potential downsides of prioritizing arts funding over basic needs in your conclusion.

task achievement

You made an interesting point about the economic impact of the arts, particularly in relation to North Korea's shift in focus, which adds depth to your argument.

coherence and cohesion

Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, clearly stating the opposing views and your stance.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

305 words

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Some people think that arts (such as painting and music) do not directly improve the quality of people's life, so governments should spend money on other areas. Do you agree or disagree?

Millions of people every year move to English-speaking countries such as Australia, Britain, or America, in order to study at school, college or university. Why do so many people want to study in English? Why is English such an important international language? Give reasons for your answer.

Some people think it is better for one single legal system throughout the world. Others say countries should have their own law. Discuss both view and give your opinion

t is argued that the parents of children who break the rules should be punished in some ways as parents are responsible for the children's actions. To what extent do you agree or desagree?

Some of the methods used in advertising are unethical and unacceptable in today’s society. To what extent do you agree with this view?