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Writing Samples
Band 7

Young people are often influenced by their behaviours and situations by others in the same age.This is called peer pressure.Do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

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The behavioural study has been proposing the phenomenon which is called peer pressure.
In other words
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, some
children
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's actions are influenced by their surroundings
such
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 as
friends
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 and parents. In my opinion, its disadvantages outweigh the advantages and will discuss below.
To begin
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 with, numerous students suffer from stress when trying to imitate their colleagues.
This
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 leads to unavoidable serious consequences.In some situations, they have to get along with the current social trends, yet they actually do not want to do.
For example
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, body tattooing is becoming popular among teenagers, so various types of patterns are inscribed for showing their interests.Unfortunately, there may be a few members who have painted their bodies for acceptance of their gangsters. Thereby,
such
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 pressures create an enormous impact on the self-esteem of the youth.
In addition
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, parents usually push their
children
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 to compete with their
friends
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 in various aspects. Activities
such
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 as extra-class tutoring, learning to dance, and training in famous sports are assigned because of social pressure.It is undeniable that
this
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 is the cause of losing childhood happiness.
For instance
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, Thai parents always send their
children
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 to learn as many academic subjects as the time is available.The purpose of
this
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 phenomenon is just only to be superior to their
friends
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.
As a result
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, numerous students are diagnosed with mental problems
such
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 as major depressive disorder.
Consequently
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, peer pressure contributes to the negative effects on
children
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's moods. In conclusion, the childhood period is a critical time for developing both physical and mental well-being.Any tension from
friends
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 plays an important role in developing unpleasant emotions and low self-confidence.To minimize these unwanted outcomes, it is essential to encourage the
children
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 to be proud of themselves and confident with their identity.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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