Some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones .why is this the case ? Do you think this is a positive or negative development ?

A significant amount of hours of the day
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
used by some youngsters on mobile phones . Smartphones
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
become a tool that takes a vast aspect of
children
’s time and some may attribute
this
to many reasons and
also
argue if it’s a positive or negative trend . Since the invention of the smartphone it has become a tool
that is
very accessible to everyone
has
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
it was designed and intended to be .These
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
are
also
designed to be flashy and
this
attributes
Change the determiner
attribute
show examples
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
them Attractive to
children
,with
this
accessibility
alongside
Add the comma(s)
,alongside
show examples
is the addictive nature of
this
gadget , the ability for
children
to use it for entertainment
such
as games ,
watching
Correct word choice
and watching
show examples
movies .These activities can be addictive to youngsters as
their
Replace the word
they're
they are
show examples
not fully developed mentally to set boundaries .These
children
who spend so much time on their
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
lag in other aspects of life as they are unable to develop their basic human interaction skills studies have shown that
children
that do not have
this
balance become stunted in their development . On the other side of the
coin
Add a comma
,coin
show examples
the easy access youngsters have to a mobile phone gives them the opportunity to tap into a vast pool of information available on the internet ,so many skills could be learnt with the aid of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smartphones as the world is now evolving digitally
however
with
this
pros come to the cons . In conclusion ,I think
children
spending undue long hours with their smartphones is detrimental to their development .
Submitted by elizabethogu20 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: