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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones .why is this the case ? Do you think this is a positive or negative development ?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
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A significant amount of hours of the day
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 used by some youngsters on mobile phones . Smartphones
has
Change the verb form
have
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 become a tool that takes a vast aspect of
children
Use synonyms
’s time and some may attribute
this
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 to many reasons and
also
Linking Words
 argue if it’s a positive or negative trend . Since the invention of the smartphone it has become a tool
that is
Linking Words
 very accessible to everyone
has
Correct your spelling
as
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 it was designed and intended to be .These
Correct your spelling
smartphones
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smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
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 are
also
Linking Words
 designed to be flashy and
this
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attributes
Change the determiner
attribute
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makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
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 them Attractive to
children
Use synonyms
 ,with
this
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 accessibility
alongside
Add the comma(s)
,alongside
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 is the addictive nature of
this
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 gadget , the ability for
children
Use synonyms
 to use it for entertainment
such
Linking Words
 as games ,
watching
Correct word choice
and watching
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 movies .These activities can be addictive to youngsters as
their
Replace the word
they're
they are
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 not fully developed mentally to set boundaries .These
children
Use synonyms
 who spend so much time on their
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
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 lag in other aspects of life as they are unable to develop their basic human interaction skills studies have shown that
children
Use synonyms
 that do not have
this
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 balance become stunted in their development . On the other side of the
coin
Add a comma
,coin
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 the easy access youngsters have to a mobile phone gives them the opportunity to tap into a vast pool of information available on the internet ,so many skills could be learnt with the aid of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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smartphones as the world is now evolving digitally
however
Linking Words
 with
this
Linking Words
 pros come to the cons . In conclusion ,I think
children
Use synonyms
 spending undue long hours with their smartphones is detrimental to their development .
Submitted by elizabethogu20 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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