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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities. Other believe that, outside of school, children should be free to enjoy life. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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While
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 some argue that it is the responsibility of young people to help their
parents
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 at home or at work after
school
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, others believe that they should get their freedom to enjoy
time
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 after
school
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. I will discuss both notions and explain why I agree with the latter.
To begin
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 with, there are some explanations for why
children
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 should take on extra responsibilities when they are not at
school
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.
Firstly
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,
children
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 should help with household chores. Not only that it
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 their
parents
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, who are very tired after a long day of work, but it will
also
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 develop their household skills.
In addition
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, some
parents
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 own businesses, and
children
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 can come to work during leisure
time
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 at the shops to gain more experience
for instance
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. Clearly, it all helps the young to be more responsible and mature. Despite the above, I deem that
children
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 should have their free
time
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 after
school
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 to explore their strengths. At
school
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, they are already restricted
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 all the boundaries of what to learn.
Hence
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, it is vital to give them freedom at home so that they can discover and reach their best potential.
For example
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, they can try different sports from football to basketball or learn new skills like dancing and skating that are suited to their interests and capabilities. If
children
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 have to listen to their
parents
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 about what to do all the
time
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, it will harm their independence and decision-making ability. In conclusion, with the aforementioned,
although
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children
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 may gain some potential merits associated with added responsibilities, they will develop better with more freedom outside the academic environment.
Hence
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, I believe that
parents
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 should let them decide on activities to do with their out-of-
school
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time
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.

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task response
Good job in presenting clear arguments for both views. Make sure to include a more balanced approach to the opposing view in order to fully address the task.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a strong logical structure overall, with clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Consider using more linking words to improve coherence and cohesion.
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