The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut arts and music out of that curriculum so that children can focus on the useful subjects such as information technology. To what extent do you agree?

In
this
contemporary era, education is becoming more necessary for everyone. The main role of education is to develop children's skills so they can become good citizens of their country.,
Also
schools should cut arts and music from their
subjects
so admission can focus on important
subjects
such
as mathematics , science and English. In
this
essay , I would explain why I agree with
this
statement.
Firstly
, the main is all
students
have a right to education apart from that many
students
like to envoke in different
subjects
such
as technology regarding , and physics because they believe
this
all
subjects
are more important than others.
For instance
, many pupils like to pursue biology because they want to make doctors or nurses .
In addition
, if the school have any
subjects
so many time
students
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
understand which course is better for him or her because many times
students
did not have proper guidance and knowledge about main courses so in order to they all go the wrong path.
Moreover
, the school cut some extra curriculum courses from their main
subjects
list because these
subjects
are important as well to all
students
for their development but if
this
is in main
subjects
list so many
students
look at
first
in thar type of
subjects
because they think that they better in
this
fields.
Also
,any time
students
choose sports as main
subjects
and they all day play many sports activities so as a
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
result
Add an article
a result
the result
show examples
they hardly get good marks in main
subjects
so it will be difficult for
students
to choose only one or two courses. In conclusion , all programmes play a very important role in
students
' progress but in my opinion dancing , singing and sports as well as important for individuals but these
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
the activities which can be
students
do after their main
subjects
or system so they do not affect their main goal.
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Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • contentious
  • contemporary
  • correlation
  • foster
  • emotional intelligence
  • narrow students’ perspectives
  • critically
  • creatively
  • interdisciplinary
  • introspective
  • integration
  • debate
  • curriculum
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