IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Experts claim that if older people do more exercise they will be healthier and happier. However, many elderly people suffer from a lack of fitness. What are the causes of this and what are some possible solutions?

#experts #people #exercise #lack #fitness
Without any doubt,
fitness
 can be counted as one of the most significant parts of life, which must be maintained by all generations, whether old or young.
Nevertheless
, experts claim that older
people
 will be more fit and healthy if they do more
exercise
,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 they actually
lack
fitness
. I
also
 agree with
this
 statement and I think there are two possible causes for
this
 situation, which,
however
, could be solved by the mentioned solution in
this
 essay.
To begin
 with, I would like to say that to have a fit body and mind the two things are required the most, the
first
 one is the encouragement and
second
 is good company of similar
people
. To remain fit and healthy, motivation is very important. In the case of elderly
people
, we usually found that they somehow
lack
 the motivation to do some sort of workout daily.
For instance
, my own grandpa does not do any kind of
exercise
, because he spends his whole day reading books and writing. He says that in the early days of my life I was too much busy with my office work, now I get some time to read my favourite books, how can I miss
such
 an opportunity.
Subsequently
, the
second
 reason for the
lack
 of
fitness
 is the
lack
 of similar
people
, we are hanging around. If we are surrounded by
people
 who want to stay fit and who are doing regular
exercise
 or any kind of physical activity
then
this
 will affect our daily routine
also
. With
such
 an active and motivated friend circle we
also
 start doing some
exercise
 to keep ourselves fit.
Consequently
, I concur that elderly
people
 suffer a
lack
 of
fitness
 because of a
lack
 of encouragement for doing
workout
Fix the agreement mistake
workouts
show examples
 and a
lack
 of company
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
people
 who are doing daily
exercise
. To overcome
this
 situation, it is our responsibility to motivate them for their good health and to become an active part of any health
fitness
 group.
Submitted by SV on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: