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Band 4.5

Around the world it is likely that more adults will work from home and more children will study from home, as computer technology becomes cheaper and more accesible . Do you think this will be a positive or negative development.

#world #adults #work #home #children #study #computer #technology #accesible #development
As a result
 of wide applications of convenient computer technology, far many
people
 have to work or learn from home. While
people
 argue about its future impact, I side with the development's advantages outweighing its disadvantages.
People
 rely too much on computers. Considering that current social media is pretty vibrant,
people
's addiction to surfing the Internet comes as no surprise.
People
 spend lots of
time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing computer games, hanging out on shopping sites, and watching videos online until it is late
night
Change preposition
at night
show examples
, which means that
people
 fail to focus on tasks that they need to finish. The efficiency of working will plummet to zero
,
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apply
show examples
 if the news takes all the attention. Information technology can help
people
 not only work better
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 relax better. It is fact that the employees always waste much
time
 on commuting and the students on their way to school and home. If there is a traffic jam, it's really a struggle, which consumes
people
's precious energy.
However
, when
people
 are allowed to work or learn from home, any problem which may happen on the way is impossible to appear, and the saving
time
 can be used to entertain themselves.
Then
people
 can take the assignments very seriously under the press of supervisors. All in all, the individual is well rested while the company achieves a higher level of results. In conclusion, I abide by the idea that computers sometimes appeal to
people
, but we can take advantage of
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 to achieve
this
 goal by reducing
time
 on the road and having enough breaks.
Submitted by Alephant on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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