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Band 4.5

The crime nowadays is decreasing compared to the past due to advance in technology which can help prevent and solve crime.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#crime #advance #technology
The crime rate has reduced drastically recently
due to
 advances in technology,I completely agree with
this
 as the invention of
CCTV
 cameras and mobile phones has helped in keeping the people involved in check. In the past few years, the birth of
CCTV
 photographs has helped In various ways to detect thieves and their activities.Arm robbers can be seen in
CCTV
 footage even when they are not aware
,
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 because these cameras are capable of tracing every movement and activity that we are made at places they were installed .
For instance
 ,there was a case of mud der reported
last
 week ,which took place in an Anambra,Awka to be precise. After some days, the victims were arrested by police.
Therefore
CCTV
 camera has the ability to trace and discover thieves including
item
Fix the agreement mistake
items
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 being stolen and as a ,result criminal activities are minimized. Phones like handsets have played a great role since their existence in detecting offensive behaviours.
Phone
 calls are a fast way to communicate as long as the battery and airtime are
insitu
Correct your spelling
in situ
.,
,
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However
Add the comma(s)
However,
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 most people think that
handset
Correct article usage
the handset
show examples
 is only used for chatting with their friends and families,
although
 recently many began to observe it is important in connecting personnel that are in charge of crime issues in order to create awareness when necessary ,for ,example a tout who forcefully collected drivers money in the park was arrested immediately
as a result
 of a
phone
 call being put through by the other driver in the scene and the tout was got hold . , a
However
phone
 call is a good way of communication whenever an illicit act is dictated In conclusion, I vehemently agree with the fact that
CCTV
 footage and the use of
phone
 calls as it means of communication can limit crime activities.
Submitted by agozie2018 on

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task response
Develop your ideas more clearly and provide specific examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay structure and linking of ideas could be improved. Ensure a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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