IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that teenager should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can be benefit teenagers and the community as well.

#people #teenager #community #work #time #benefit #teenagers
Nowadays, thousands and thousands of destitute families, around the world, are suffering from various tragic issues. Some are sinking
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 debts, others are looking for
dormitory
Add an article
a dormitory
show examples
 to spend a lovely night on a warm bed.
As a result
, l have a strong belief that adolescents will contribute dramatically
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
life
Replace the word
live
show examples
. On
one
 hand,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 going to be in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
one
 unit during different
life
 stages. To illustrate more, the envy rates will
goes
Change the verb form
go
show examples
 down with a massive increase in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
contentment
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 human beings
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the world.
For instance
, the Ukrainian people, who have a cruel conflict with
Russian
Correct article usage
the Russian
show examples
 people, will feel emotional by calmness and relaxation, that other countries take care
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
life
 ;
Moreover
, brotherhood and peace will be
spreading
Wrong verb form
spread
show examples
 among them.
On the other hand
,
adolescent
Add an article
the adolescent
show examples
 stage is a
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sensitive
Add an article
a sensitive
show examples
 period in the
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
life
 , where they acquire and catch
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
knowledge quickly .
As a result
, it is going to be a typical method to learn
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
about volunteering.
Furthermore
,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
One
 important features that will be acquired is being
giver
Add an article
a giver
the giver
show examples
 and opening the ways to learn new
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
show examples
 to solve problems. In conclusion, being
volunteer
Add an article
a volunteer
show examples
 is a noble work not only for adolescents even
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 other stages.
In addition
, the community will be collaborated and ready in facing
a huge dangerous events
Correct the article-noun agreement
huge dangerous events
a huge dangerous event
show examples
.
Besides
 that,
this
 will delete the hate and the evil on
this
 land and make the world a better place to live. Adolescents will acquire various kinds of peace features to develop
our
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 lives.
Submitted by 2018161085.rus on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: