Teenagers should required to do unpaid work in their communities.This is good for the individuals concerned and society as a whole.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view? Discuss based on your knowledge and experience.

In
this
contemporary epoch, whilst some
people
hold the view that community
work
is beneficial for both individuals and society.I am a staunch believer that volunteer
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
play an
indespinsible
Correct your spelling
indispensable
role in
person's
Correct article usage
a person's
show examples
life and
also
increase the economy of the country.My contention will be
further
explained. To embark on, teenagers have to participate in volunteering , because it contributes to
raise
Wrong verb form
raising
show examples
human's personal skills and
expose
Correct subject-verb agreement
exposes
show examples
them to various situations which promote their minds to become more
energatic
Correct your spelling
energetic
and think a lot. To illustrate, if young
people
train in an organisation,
this
will give
him
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
the opportunity to have a plethora of experiences and know more about social issues.
For example
,in Egypt,some adolescents
work
in
a homeless facilities
Correct the article-noun agreement
homeless facilities
a homeless facility
show examples
, and
this
Rente them to acknowledge the hardness of
people
who live
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
streets
Correct article usage
the streets
show examples
.
Thus
, what can be said is that volunteerism
ameliorate
Change the verb form
ameliorates
show examples
thinking
Correct article usage
the thinking
show examples
of the person by exposing them to tackle the problems in
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
nation.
In addition
, despite the fact that
this
may affect adversely
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
educators,as
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
to concentrate
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
studies,
this
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
to enhancing
financial
Add an article
the financial
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state of
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
, especially developing countries.
In other words
, when some
people
engage in community services and
work
without any salaries,
this
will increase
productivity
Add an article
the productivity
show examples
of commodities. A prime example is that in afflicted and struggling countries
such
as Egypt ,the country which
exploites
Correct your spelling
exploits
exploited
children and encourages them to take part in market labours and do some handcrafts to buy it in global markets ,and earn a lot of money .
Therefore
,the volunteer job is crucial to avoid economic stagnate. In conclusion, after
this
essay has manifested the
above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
show examples
points, it can be reiterated that unpaid
work
is not only paramount in developing
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
person's life ,but it
also
benefit
Change the verb form
benefits
show examples
all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. I am of the belief that the authorities have to encourage
this
type of
work
and lure young
people
to do well
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
it.
Submitted by dr.taghreedm2030 on

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Unpaid work
  • Community service
  • Individuals
  • Society
  • Responsibility
  • Empathy
  • Valuable skills
  • Experiences
  • Strong community
  • Well-being
  • Career opportunities
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