Some people think that sports involving violence, such as boxing and martial arts, should be banned from TV as well as from international sporting competitions. To what extent do you agree?
It is claimed that some sports, which have violent activities, should not be shown on national media
such
as TV. In my opinion, I agree that some sports Linking Words
such
as boxing and martial arts have an impact on immature manners inasmuch as they are not aware of the regulations and they probably use violence against their peers.
Linking Words
To begin
with, some individuals like to watch a sport with the concept of fighting on TV, Linking Words
while
they do not care whether a child is watching that or not. In Linking Words
this
case, they believe that children are not as strong as the athletes to hurt each other, though they can improve their skills in Linking Words
this
field if tend to learn it professionally. Linking Words
For instance
, some parents encourage their children to learn combat sports to make development in their competitive spirits.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, others claim that a sport involving brutality should be prohibited from the media Linking Words
due to
its consequences. Linking Words
As a result
, Linking Words
while
everyone has Linking Words
an
access to watch Correct article usage
apply
such
a competition, there is no evidence to prove that all the audiences are qualified to watch them. Linking Words
For example
, children and some human beings, who are suffering from mental disorders, can use some of the techniques that they have learnt, Linking Words
while
they are not aware of the impacts. Linking Words
Therefore
, they might face serious problems.
In conclusion, Linking Words
while
some women and men argue that different types of combat competitions have to be removed from the television's schedule, Linking Words
some
others believe that could arouse someone's Correct quantifier usage
apply
motivations
for being an athlete and make them more sportive. In my opinion, it would be better if Fix the agreement mistake
motivation
this
kind of sport could be removed from national networks Linking Words
due to
the plethora of disadvantages.Linking Words
Submitted by neda.khn88 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph sticks to one main idea and develops it fully. The essay could be more logically structured.
Task Achievement
Provide clearer, more specific examples to support your ideas. Your examples should more directly address the points you're making.
Coherence & Cohesion
Improve sentence variety and use connectors more effectively to ensure smoother transitions between ideas.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame your argument, providing a clear stance.
Task Achievement
You have done well to address both sides of the debate, acknowledging different perspectives.
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
You show a good command of vocabulary and express complex ideas clearly.