IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is difficult for people living in cities to get enough physical exercise. What are the causes and what solutions can be taken to solve the problem?

#people #cities #exercise
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern society, it is undeniable that
people
Use synonyms
 who live in a city get less physical
exercise
Use synonyms
 due to the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
progress of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
urbanization and the development of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology. It is important for citizens to raise their concept of daily exercising and governments are
also
Linking Words
 supposed to implement some policies to handle
this
Linking Words
 issue. The most prominent reason is the fast development of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
urbanization which
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
 the opportunity for
people
Use synonyms
 to
exercise
Use synonyms
. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, in the rural area,
people
Use synonyms
 living in a small county or a village are easy to get to wherever they want just on foot. But as the villages become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern city, the road
is widen
Change the verb form
is widened
is widening
show examples
 and the destination is farther, so
people
Use synonyms
 tend to use their cars to trip. It is widely known that walking is a kind of physical
exercise
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, more and more high-tech products are invented in order to help
people
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as the washing machine,
they
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 give convenience to
people
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 become lazier. So
people
Use synonyms
 do not want to
exercise
Use synonyms
any more
Correct your spelling
anymore
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in terms of the solutions,
firstly
Linking Words
, because physical
exercising
Replace the word
exercise
show examples
 has many benefits to health so it is important for
people
Use synonyms
 to raise their
conscious
Replace the word
consciousness
show examples
 to
exercise
Use synonyms
. The government should
also
Linking Words
 help and encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to
exercise
Use synonyms
 by increasing more
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 facilities and raising more
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 games. In conclusion, after
this
Linking Words
 essay has manifested the above-mentioned points, I can reiterate that the fast development of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
urbanization and the appearance of many big modern
cites
Correct your spelling
cities
show examples
 lead to less physical
exercise
Use synonyms
 for
people
Use synonyms
 living in cities. To improve
this
Linking Words
 situation, it is not only the duty of
Use synonyms
people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but government help is
also
Linking Words
 needed.
Submitted by wanghaoan864 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • desk-bound jobs
  • fast-paced urban life
  • conveniences
  • physical exertion
  • barrier
  • densely populated
  • pollution
  • safety concerns
  • urban planning
  • pedestrian areas
  • cycle lanes
  • accessible
  • workplace wellness programs
  • subsidize
  • financial barriers
  • public awareness
  • incorporate
What to do next:
Look at other essays: