Some people say that children should go to school as young as possible, while others believe that children should not start primary school until they are six or seven-years-old. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Education
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plays a crucial role in the development of
children
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in many ways. Some people believe that
children
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ought to attend
school
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as much as earlier, whereas opponents support that
school
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life should be started at around six or seven
years
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old for the sake of the
children
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. Even though either of them
have
Change the verb form
has

It appears that the indefinite pronoun either does not agree with the verb have in your sentence. Consider changing the form of the verb.

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advantages and disadvantages, the former seems to me more reasonable. The reasons will elucidate in
this
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essay respectively. On the one hand, nursery
school
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curriculums are developed based on an exact approach which cares about
children
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's biological ages and capabilities. Clearly,
children
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have more opportunities to improve their manual dexterities, communication, and soft skills through playing and making activities in
such
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schools. Montessori would be a good example of
this
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, according to
this
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method
children
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take
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility

It seems that responsibilities may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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for their daily needs like cleaning, and cooking which
are
Change the verb form
is

The plural verb are does not appear to agree with the singular subject cooking. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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highly significant for holistic development.
Besides
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in the modern
world
Add a comma
,world

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase in the modern world. Consider adding a comma.

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many
children
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do not have a sibling,and a social environment
that is
Linking Words

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provided in the
school
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may eliminate
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

loneliness as well.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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more
years
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in
school
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bring more benefits in the long run.
On the other hand
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, the
first
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six
years
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of life are deemed
as
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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significant for establishing firm family bonds.
That is
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

to say, a sense of trust is built over
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

period between
parents
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and
children
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. If
children
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spend less time with their
parents
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it probably leads to a detrimental effect on
the
Change the word
their

The word the may be incorrect in this context. Consider changing it.

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emotional development of
children
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.
In addition
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to
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

who attend
school
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at earlier ages compared to peers are likely to discourage in the future because of their long
education
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.
However
Linking Words

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, those
parents
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who have a busier work routine do not allocate adequate time to their
children
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and
this
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also
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causes the same problem.
Hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, If
parents
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do not enrol their
children
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at
school
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, they should provide for them a parental
education
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

at home. In conclusion, there is a dilemma whether
children
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should go to
school
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

till six
years
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

old or not.
Although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

both factors have their own benefits and drawbacks, I believe that receiving a proper
education
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

as much as earlier presents more advantages for
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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