IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that children’s time outside of school should be filled with scheduled activities such as art and music classes and sports. Others feel that children need free time to play and relax. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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It is true that, extra
activity
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 enhance young
one
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skills
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,
might
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and might
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effect
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affect
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on
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apply
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their academic performance;
nevertheless
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, it has long been an issue of debate
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whether
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wether
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whether
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 offsprings' should indulge in other activities
such
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 as sport, art and music classes or they need spare
time
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 to relax and play. I,
however
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, shed light on both contradictory sides before reaching
to
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apply
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my personal
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opinion
openion
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opinion
. On the
one
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 hand, "
learn
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learning
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 several
skills
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" is
perhaps
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a perhaps
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prominent
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a prominent
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 reason why
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a child
the child
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child
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children
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 should involve in other
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activity
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activities
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 outside
academy
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the academy
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. To put it simply,
little
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the little
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one
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 will learn numerous
skills
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such
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 as painting, singing or any
sport
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sports
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 game, if they try
this
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activity
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 after school.
For example
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, in India majority of parents
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encourage
incourage
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encourage
 their children to take part in games that
fruitful
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are fruitful
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 to develop both physically and mentally.
As a result
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, it is essential for
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a juvenile
the juvenile
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juvenile
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juveniles
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 to participate in other
skills
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 in order to learn something new.
Moreover
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, all adolescents are not
same
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the same
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 they have different
skill
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skills
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 and by involving
this
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activity
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 they get to know their expertise.
On the other hand
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, multitasking at
early
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an early
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 age would be harmful
for
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to
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 their mental health. To elaborate
it
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apply
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, since little
one
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have
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has
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 education pressure in their life, putting extra burden on
their
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there
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 should could
leads
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lead
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 to anxiety. Canada could be an ideal example here, more than half
proportion
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the proportion
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 of youth in
canada
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Canada
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 face depression at
young
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a young
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 age due to not having enough freedom in life.
Therefore
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, extra curriculum activities should be avoided which
profitable
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are profitable
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 not only
in
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for
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 mental health but
also
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in
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for
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 focusing on education.
Finally
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, when
youngster
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youngsters
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have
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has
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 more free
time
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, they enjoy their childhood which is precious
time
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 for every human
beings
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being's
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 life. To conclude,
although
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 involving in other activities outside of
academy
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the academy
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 will enhance adolescents'
skills
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 , as far as
i
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I
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 am concerned,
little
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the little
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one
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 should have spare
time
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 to enjoy their childhood and these independents save them from mental
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stress
trees
strees
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stress
.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • academic curriculum
  • hidden talents
  • instill discipline
  • teamwork
  • time management skills
  • unstructured play
  • fostering creativity
  • stress reduction
  • cognitive and emotional development
  • well-rounded upbringing
  • social interaction
  • personal growth
  • equilibrium
  • beneficial outcomes
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