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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some parents buy their children whatever they ask for, and allow their children to do whatever they want. Is this a good way to raise children? What consequences could this style of parenting have on children as they get older?

#parents #children #consequences #style
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Some guardians purchase their youngsters whatever they
requested
Wrong verb form
request
show examples
,
as well as
 the liberty to do anything.
This
 is not the best way of raising an heir as there are several consequences that can emerge from it during their old age. Every parent wants to raise a well-behaved child
according to
 societal norms. To expatiate
further
, young ones who are well disciplined bring a good name to their guardians
instead
 of shame and reproach.
For instance
, research carried out at Ebonyi
state
Capitalize word
State
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 University on giving young
cohort
Fix the agreement mistake
cohorts
show examples
 what they seek
as well as
 power showed that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 children who are being pampered and given everything they ask and
also
 allowed to do whatever they want have the tendency to bring disgrace to their family and society at large, as they will not be able to withstand some eventualities when there occur.
Therefore
, parents should limit what they give to their youngsters when being requested , and set boundaries for things to be done and things they should not do.
Consequently
, the inappropriate discipline of offspring can affect their behaviour as they grow. To elucidate
further
, anxiety is one of the consequences of unnecessary immunity at a young age, which will affect the individual in future when working in a company where total privilege is restricted.
Furthermore
, depression can occur in the life of an individual who is used to getting everything they want. When
face
Wrong verb form
faced
show examples
 with challenges of life
while
 growing up, they tend to be withdrawn as they are not used to suffering at their younger age.
Hence
 guardians should be aware of these effects in other to give proper training to their youngsters. In conclusion, the best way to nurture a child is not by giving them all they ask for,
and
Correct word choice
but
show examples
 by unlimited opportunity as some consequences like anxiety and depression may set in during their later life.
Submitted by elizabethogu20 on

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clarity
Make sure that your sentences are clear and precise. Some sentences are overly complex and may confuse the reader. Simplify where possible.
introduction conclusion
Introduce and conclude your essay with a clear restatement of your main points. This helps reinforce your arguments and provides a logical framework for your essay.
examples
When using examples or research, ensure they are relevant and clearly tied to your point. Better integration of examples will make your argument stronger and clearer.
task response
You have made a clear attempt to address the question, discussing both the nature of the parenting style in question and its potential consequences.
logical structure
The essay generally follows a logical structure and presents ideas in a coherent manner, which is beneficial for the reader’s understanding.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • indulgent
  • entitlement
  • discipline
  • responsibility
  • nurturing
  • self-reliance
  • adversity
  • autonomy
  • validation
  • dependence
What to do next:
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