IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Nowadays parents give more freedom to their children than in the past. is it a positive or negative development. Give your opinion and include relevant examples.

#parents #freedom #children #development
Presently, most families have a tendency to give more freedom to their children when compared to the past.In my opinion, I think that many parents should provide more independence to them will take more advantages than disadvantages.In
this
 essay, I will propose my perspectives and provide relevant examples in order to advocate my argument. On the one hand, providing more freedom to their children will make them feel more comfortable and less stressed because they will not get pressured by their families who hope their son or daughter to live up to and succeed in their expectations in life.
Moreover
, having the flexibility to decide what should they do will help them know what they like most.
As a result
, they can make a vivid decision that the
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 or things
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they do are something that they really like so much as if they can spend their
time
 and onerous effort to accomplish those things or works.
For example
, if their family gives them enough flexibility in choosing something that they would like to do, their son or daughter will have enough
time
 to find those things and try to master those skills.
In addition
,
giving
Verb problem
putting
show examples
 less pressure on them will help them become more creative and less depressed
due to
 the fact that they have
time
 to relax or do some hobbies which they want to do.
For instance
, if they are obsessed with learning and trying to live up to their parent's expectations, they may face depression if they cannot succeed and their health will be detrimental because they do those all the
time
. In conclusion, I strongly believe that giving more freedom to their children
makes
Verb problem
has
show examples
 a lot of benefits than drawbacks.
Additionally
, providing more rights to them for deciding what they should do makes them survive in their life and become happier for a living.
Submitted by boatakrawin on

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to fully address the prompt in your introduction and conclusion. Provide a clear thesis statement and summarize your main points in the introduction. Conclude by restating your opinion and summarizing the key arguments presented in the body paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
The essay provides relevant examples to support the arguments made.
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