IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that Government should take measures to improve the health of its citizens. Others think it must be managed by individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #measures #health #citizens #individuals
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It is now debatable whether authorised
people
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 should attend to their public
health
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 or it is solely 
responsible
Correct article usage
the responsible
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to
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of
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 each individual. In
this
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 essay, the consequences of both perspectives will be clarified as well as my own ideas. Seemingly, there are two reasons why it is wise to say that the responsibility for public
health
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 goes to the
government
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.
Firstly
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, today's working hours are extremely unpleasant to hear.
This
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 implies that citizens do not have much spare time to do something beneficial to their
health
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. Obviously,
this
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 problem cannot be tackled by anyone apart from the
government
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.
For instance
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, adding
a
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apply
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new legislation concerning working hours to the existing working policies might be of significant help to
its
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the
show examples
 public because mere citizens cannot make it happen.
Secondly
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, some
people
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 are apathetic about their
health
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 while others are tempted only by prizes and acknowledgement rather than the benefits gained from being healthy. To encourage
such
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 kinds of
people
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, only the
government
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 has the power to hold regular activities and competitions with enticing rewards. 
On the other hand
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,
although
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 the country's authorised
people
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 do a lot of costly projects and measures
,
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apply
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 if the citizens neither obey the regulations nor feel enthusiastic, there is nothing we can do for them.
In other words
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, it is ultimately contingent upon individuals as the saying suggests, "Nobody can change us unless we have a willing mind". Another striking factor is that relying too much on others is not always an option.
For example
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, many countries nowadays are democratic nations which means the
government
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 cannot intervene that much
with
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in
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people
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's lives. They can only encourage the public to
certain
Add an article
a certain
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 extent to take care of themselves and nothing more. In
such
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 cases, we cannot do anything but try to have control over our minds to avoid unhealthy living styles or not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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eat unhealthy food. Hopefully,
this
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 manner may enhance our self-commitment ability.  In conclusion, I would argue that
people
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 should not always place the blame on the
government
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 for their discomfort.
Instead
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, they must try to depend only on themselves and accept their own fates.
Submitted by tr.zarwaihnin on

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