Some parents believe that their children should do educational activities during their free time. Others say that in this way children are under pressure. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
While
it is often thought that extra-curricular Linking Words
activities
should be done by Use synonyms
children
after Use synonyms
school
, other parents may think that Use synonyms
children
are under Use synonyms
pressure
. In my opinion, I believe that extra-curricular Use synonyms
activities
can help Use synonyms
children
improve their social Use synonyms
skills
, which can be beneficial for them in their future working life.
On the one hand, some parents agree that Use synonyms
children
who participate in extra-curricular Use synonyms
activities
can gain higher social Use synonyms
skills
, and I admit it. Use synonyms
That is
to say, extra-curricular Linking Words
activities
, Use synonyms
such
as community services and sports, can be beneficial for Linking Words
children
. One clear example is that Use synonyms
children
are able to communicate and cooperate with each other when they interact during extra-curricular Use synonyms
activities
. Use synonyms
Moreover
, social Linking Words
skills
and teamwork are crucial Use synonyms
skills
that Use synonyms
children
ought to master, as these Use synonyms
skills
have become vital Use synonyms
skills
in the workplace, Use synonyms
children
who can manage these Use synonyms
skills
can be more competitive in the workplace. Use synonyms
Therefore
, Linking Words
children
must participate in extra-curricular Use synonyms
activities
after Use synonyms
school
.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, it may be argued that Linking Words
children
who do extra-curricular Use synonyms
activities
after Use synonyms
school
may be under Use synonyms
pressure
. Use synonyms
That is
to say, adding Linking Words
pressure
on Use synonyms
children
is not healthy for them, whether it is for their physical health or mental health. Use synonyms
For instance
, Linking Words
children
who have a lot of stress may develop anxiety disorders and suffer from headaches. Use synonyms
Additionally
, some Linking Words
children
are already overloaded with their homework, Use synonyms
forcing
extra-curricular Correct word choice
and forcing
activities
on Use synonyms
children
would neither reduce Use synonyms
their
Change the word
the
pressure
of homework nor promote their independence or autonomy. Use synonyms
Thus
, forcing Linking Words
children
to do extra-curricular Use synonyms
activities
after Use synonyms
school
may not help them gain any other Use synonyms
skills
, or may have adverse effects on their health.
In conclusion, Use synonyms
while
people may vary in their opinions, I think that Linking Words
children
should be called to participate in extra-curricular Use synonyms
activities
after Use synonyms
school
so that they can gain the necessary Use synonyms
skills
and benefit from it.Use synonyms
Submitted by s_syedy on
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Task Achievement
To improve your score in task achievement, make sure to address the prompt fully by discussing both views equally before presenting your opinion. It appears the essay has a stronger focus on advocating for extracurricular activities without equally discussing the perspective that it puts children under pressure. Try to balance your discussion and clearly state how each view relates to your opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, you've structured your essay reasonably well with clear paragraphs and logical flow. However, consider using a wider range of linking phrases and topic sentences to better guide the reader through your arguments. Additionally, ensure that paragraphs are well balanced in length and detail.