IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that all popular TV entertainment programmes should aim to educate viewers about important social issues. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #tv #entertainment #programmes #aim #viewers
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There are
people
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 claiming that each popular
TV
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 programme on recreation should focus on the education of crucial social
issues
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. In my opinion, even though it is a good way to spread social
issues
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 through
TV
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 shows that hold considerable numbers of viewers, it is an exorbitant demand and put the cart before the horse for
entertainment
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show
Fix the agreement mistake
shows
show examples
. Those in
favor
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favour
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 of enhancing the awareness of social problems through popular
TV
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 shows believe that most popular
TV
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 shows like comedies, music shows,
variety
Correct word choice
and variety
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 are delivering less value and it is a waste of time to watch
TV
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 just for
entertainment
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 purposes,
thus
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 changing the goal to educate the audience on crucial social problems can increase their social value. For the other programmes that are
People
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 watch
TV
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entertainment
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 shows because they can release pressure and make them feel
relax
Wrong verb form
relaxed
show examples
, and if too many educational factors are put into the shows,
people
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 will lose
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
interest in watching them, which will reduce their popularity.
For example
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, Big Bowl is one of the most famous
TV
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 shows and
people
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 like to watch it for fun, and if the show changed its target from entertaining
people
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 to educating them, it will not be as relaxing as before to watch it. For
entertainment
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 programmes like comedies, cartoons and so on, entertaining the audience should be the
first
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 target, and with the scope of
ability
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,ability
show examples
 they may take some educational content about social problems like climate change , gender equality etc into consideration. In conclusion, Entertaining
TV
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 shows can add some elements and
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 on social
issues
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 education,
however
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, changing
purpose
Correct pronoun usage
their purpose
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 will make them less popular and they should still take
enetertainment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
 function as the
first
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 priority
instead
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 of education.
Furthermore
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, educational channels that are concentrated on some social
issues
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, some documentaries on climate change
Linking Words
for
Add the comma(s)
,for
show examples
 example, should be promoted wider to receive more followers.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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