IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

Advertisement is commonly used by
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organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
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. Few
people
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 believe that promoting the
products
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 motivates
people
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 to buy things that they
are
Verb problem
do
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 not really required but,
Correct word choice
but other
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 feel that it
inform
Correct subject-verb agreement
informs
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people
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 about the new features that could enhance their lives. I strongly believe that the promotion of
products
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 always tries to sell the brand
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it targets
children
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 for business. Companies are primarily focusing on selling the brand name
instead
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 of their
products
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. Many
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organizations
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organisations
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 in society concentrate more on brand name, but they forget to give importance to
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people
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people's
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 preferences.
For Example
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, the logo of the company is displayed in a supermarket without providing any information on their
products
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.
Moreover
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, some
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organizations
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organisations
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 use a model to promote their
products
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. Still, it is unclear to everyone
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 what
is
Verb problem
apply
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the purpose of the model
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while
Verb problem
is while
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 selling the product to the
customers
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. On top of that, companies target young
children
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 to sell the
products
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 easily to their parents. Many
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organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
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 display their
products
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 using animation
as well as
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 a comic buffoon to attract young
children
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.
For instance
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, in all the supermarkets, attractive display boards are used to promote the
products
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 by using the Dora serial characters.
Moreover
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, advertisements
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 always to attract new
customers
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. The
essential
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essence
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 of
advertisement
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advertising
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 is to get new
customers
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instead
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 of giving importance to existing
customers
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.
To conclude
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, advertisements are essential to the business, but
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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is
Verb problem
should
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focusing
Wrong verb form
focus
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 on the company logo
instead
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 of
people
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's needs
as well
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as
Correct word choice
and
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 they should focus on the entire
customers
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 ,not
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children
Rephrase
just children
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.

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structure
Answer the task with a clear view. Say your view at the start and restate it at the end. Give two reasons and a short example.
cohesion
cohesion
grammar
structure
strength
You chose a clear side on the topic.
example
There are real uses of examples in the essay (like toys in ads).
Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • persuade
  • manipulative
  • unnecessary
  • excessive
  • artificial needs
  • desires
  • consumers
  • oversaturation
  • impulse buying
  • financial problems
  • inform
  • educate
  • features
  • benefits
  • innovations
  • raise awareness
  • social issues
  • positive behavior
  • enrich
  • well-being
What to do next:
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