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Band 6

Many governments spend a lot of money on art. Some people think this investment in art is necessary,but others say the money is better spent on improving health and education.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#governments #money #art #people #investment #health #education
Nowadays,many countries cost a large number of funds on
art
. While people have different views on whether should money be invested in
art
 or medical and education service. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 I think it’s necessary to invest money in
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
. On the one hand, some people believe that investing money in educational
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
 and medical care will have a good impact on people’s lives directly.
For instance
, individuals are able to obtain knowledge and basic skills by learning , health care is an efficient way to prevent and control diseases which can prolong life span. So if put funding in these aspects will improve the whole standard of living.
On the other hand
, I think medical and education can’t enrich the spiritual world and bring a sense of happiness while
art
 can. Because the investment in
this
 kind of project can lead to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 number of
art
 galleries which enrich people’s cultural life .Appreciating artworks
such
 as sculptures ,paintings and murals will put them in a good mood and make them feel comfortable . What’s
more
Add a comma
,more
show examples
 paying a visit to cultural attractions can be a stress reducer by taking our
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 off work.
Furthermore
, living in a city where the
art
 industry
flourish
Change the verb form
flourishes
show examples
, folks will pay more attention to the balance of work and private activity which is beneficial to their emotional well-being and rich their inner world.
Therefore
,
art
 plays a valuable role in
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
 lives. In conclusion,
Although
 health and education are essential for individuals, I
also
 believe that
art
 is not supposed to be discarded or cut down the budget.
Submitted by 元气少女鲁智深 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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