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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some parents want their children to read only serious educational books at all times, and they think it is a waste of time to read any entertainments books.What is your opinion about this?

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Certain parents require their kids to read merely serious educational books all the time, and it is
also
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 thought that any entertainment can cause their offspring a huge waste of time. In my opinion, reading any kind of book does open a new door to new experiences.
First,
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emphasizing only the contents provided in a school's curriculum can lead the younger ones to a lack of imagination.
This
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 forces their minds to be captivated and unable to be open-minded.
In addition
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, to keep doing the same action every day bores not only children but
also
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 most people.
Hence
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, it is better to be distant from their daily activities to distract them from stress
as well as
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 anxiety.
For instance
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,
according to
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 a recent study from the Faculty of Arts, at Harvard University, 80% of U.S. kids tend to have less difficulty with concentration if they are provided entertainment literature or movies 1 day a week.
Secondly
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,
although
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 it might be true that being educated by proper materials can bring one to perfection, being entertained by a novel once in a
while
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,
however
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, can be a good way to relax. To illustrate
this
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, a survey recently conducted by the New York Times revealed that two-thirds of American students' performance is better when given an opportunity to spend at least 1 hour a day doing what they feel relaxed about.
Lastly
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, one does not need to be productive at all times. Time well spent means that it is a not wasted one. Attending some other activities
such
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 as painting class or dancing can
also
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 affect their performance positively.
To conclude
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, forcing their children to read only serious educational content does not provide as much benefit as letting them experience all types of content not only because of a lack of imagination and boredom but
also
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 because it's an effective way to relax and improve their performance.

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Coherence
To enhance coherence, ensure the logical progression of ideas within and between paragraphs. Use appropriate transition words for better connectivity.
Task Response
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines the main points that will be discussed in the essay for a more structured approach.
Task Response
Consider providing more varied and specific examples that illustrate the points made. This will enrich the argument and make it more compelling.
Coherence
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing the main points effectively and reinforcing the overall argument.
Task Response
The task is addressed proficiently, and the argument is clear and relevant to the prompt. The writer gives a convincing response by illustrating the importance of reading entertainment books.
Task Response
There is good use of examples to support the main points, such as referencing a Harvard University study and a New York Times survey.
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