IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influence?

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Without a doubt,
people
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 have their own personalities. Some researchers contend that
people
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’s personalities and growth are influenced by their birth and certain
experiences
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.
Although
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people
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 are influenced from birth, I believe that individuals can change their original personalities as they accumulate more
experiences
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. Indeed,
people
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 can be directly impacted by their family
environment
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, especially their parents. Some parents who are extremely focused on only study or work might tend to force their children to study regardless of their children’s interests. Those who grow up in
such
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 a family
environment
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 might experience significant stress, which leads to their personality traits
such
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 as depression, anxiety and shouting if they do not succeed in their achievements.
In addition
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,
such
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 family members tend not to teach their children basic manners,
such
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 as table manners, yielding, and collaborating. Because of these influences, the children might have difficulty understanding and communicating with their peers, which can affect their immediate growth.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 can survive and develop themselves without
experiences
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. I strongly believe that
experiences
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 are extremely important in their lives, which can help them with many things. Individuals can solve their problems based on their
experiences
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 or advise others based on the knowledge or information they have gained.
For instance
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, in South Korea, one of the YouTubers, “Kimi,” was introverted and studied the whole time in her childhood, but one day she went abroad, which made her become more outgoing and
realize
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realise
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 what she likes, and she is currently an influencer. Like
this
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 influence,
people
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 need numerous
experiences
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 that help them enhance their perspective, broaden their horizons, and understand others with different backgrounds and cultures. In conclusion, though
people
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 have a much greater impact from their family
environment
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, merely having various
experiences
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 makes
people
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 more developed in their lives.
Therefore
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, I believe that individuals should make an effort to gain experience, not remain solely in their
environment
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.

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task response
For task response, answer the main question more directly from the start. Say clearly why life experience is the bigger influence.
task response
For task response, explain both sides in a more balanced way. You talk about birth and family, but the idea of natural traits is not fully developed.
task response
For task response, use examples that are more general or more real. The YouTuber example feels a bit weak for an IELTS essay.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make your topic sentences clearer. Each body paragraph should show one main idea very clearly.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some links between ideas are not smooth. Use simple clear link words like first, also, however, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, the second body paragraph starts with a sentence that does not fit your point. It should say people cannot fully grow without experience, not can survive without experiences.
task response
For task response, you give a clear opinion in the introduction and keep it to the end.
task response
For task response, you try to support your ideas with reasons and an example.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, the essay has a clear basic structure with introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, most ideas are grouped in the right paragraph, so the essay is easy to follow most of the time.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • nature vs. nurture debate
  • genetic inheritance
  • personality traits
  • behavior patterns
  • heritability
  • twins studies
  • malleable characteristics
  • upbringing
  • environmental influences
  • critical periods
  • language acquisition
  • worldview
  • innate traits
  • personal experiences
  • psychological development
  • epigenetics
  • adaptive behaviors
  • cultural imprinting
  • temperament
  • social conditioning
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