IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

increasing number of people are choosing cosmetology surgery to improve their appearance. What are the reasons? Do you think is it a positive or negative development?

#people #cosmetology #surgery #appearance #development
There has been a phenomenon that many young
people
 are choosing cosmetology surgery to improve their appearance. There are some reasons behind it, and they will be explained in the following paragraphs.
First
, is the prevalence of lookism. As we know, a good-looking face is advantageous to our daily life; when you are pretty, you have more opportunities.
Besides
, the popularity of the internet has weighed
this
 thought future. Due to the development of the internet, social media has become closely linked to our daily life; some apps,
such
 as Instagram, and TikTok, are used extremely often. On social media,
people
 with pretty faces are popular, and they can earn enormous money. Under the influence of the internet, many
people
 start thinking a pretty face is of the utmost importance; and
as a result
, many of them decide to have some plastic surgeries to look better.
Second
, a good-looking face is helpful in the working place. According to some statistical figures, when someone is handsome, his salary will be around 17% higher than normal
people
, and he will have more chances to be promoted. And for the
people
 with nice body figures, it's commonplace that a person's wages will be about 2-6% higher when he has a good body figure.
Third
, ads play an important role in attracting
people
 to do cosmetology surgery. It's ubiquitous that we can see ads about plastic surgery almost everywhere. These ads propagate the advantages of plastic surgeries with attractive discounts. As a consequence, many young
people
 are coned to do cosmetology surgeries. In conclusion, there are three main reasons.
Submitted by junyiwu029 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: