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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, more people travel abroad for tourism than ever before. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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It is a common phenomenon that the number of
people
Use synonyms
 travelling for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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tourist purposes increases. Personally, I believe it is a positive improvement because discovering other parts of the world helps
people
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 grow.
To begin
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 with, domestic areas may not be sufficient for some individuals.
For instance
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, some
people
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 get depressed if they do not change
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 environment often. Because observing the same landscape may get boring with time, many humans crave to explore unknown places. Certainly,
this
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 is beneficial for brain stimulation. If travellers see new spots, it will help
their'
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their
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 brain cells to work better; namely, more creatively and efficiently.
Consequently
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, when they come back home, their minds are full of new ideas that boost their development.
Secondly
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, it is significantly easier to gain knowledge about important historical spots. Using all senses
such
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 as seeing, hearing and viewing at once is greater than using one.
Therefore
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, the majority of
people
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 prefer to learn about the monument by visiting it
instead
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 of reading about it in a book.
Consequently
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,
while
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 travelling a lot,
people
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 are able to absorb tremendously more information and remember
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 better than from a traditional school session.
Overall
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, it is the best way to study and self-develop without pressure and being quickly tired.
To conclude
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, I am convinced that the fact that more and more
people
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 decide to travel abroad with a tourist aim has lots of cons.
For example
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, it gives the possibility to increase creativity, effectiveness and the base of knowledge about the world.

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task achievement
Consider strengthening your argument by providing more specific examples or data to support your claims, such as statistics related to tourism or personal anecdotes of how travel has influenced individuals.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the coherence of your ideas by using clearer transition phrases to connect your thoughts. This will help guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
task achievement
The essay has a clear opinion that is supported throughout the text, which is a strong point in task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction presents a pertinent thesis that sets the stage for the subsequent arguments, making the reader aware of the essay's direction.
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