IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

increasing number of people are choosing cosmetology surgery to improve their appearance. What are the reasons? Do you think is it a positive or negative development?

#people #cosmetology #surgery #appearance #development
Some people go beyond the natural ways to change their
appearance
. Today, there is a huge demand for cosmetology
surgeries
 which costs millions.
Although
 some think it is important to change their
appearance
 in the rapidly changing fashion industry, others think it is a waste of money and could bring many problems in the long run.
This
 essay will discuss why
such
surgeries
 are not good for people though might be beneficial for certain groups. On the one hand, despite it costs millions, celebrities spend a lot on cosmetic
surgeries
. It is a known fact that
appearance
 plays a major role because it helps them to look younger and to increase their fanbase.
For example
, we could see many Hollywood actors and actresses go through different kinds of cosmetology
surgeries
 to look better. And we could witness famous singers do the same in order to keep up their popularity level and maintain their superiority on social media platforms.
On the other hand
, cosmetic operations could cost millions and it has a higher percentage of bringing different health issues in the long term. According to a survey done at the University of Texas, 80% of the celebrities in the United States spend over 2 million dollars to improve their
appearance
 each year which could bring out health issues in the long run. There were recorded incidence where some celebrities do over 20
surgeries
 to cover up the faults in their previous ones.
For instance
, Famous singer Micheal Jackson had over 40 operations within 10 years
thus
 none were a success. To conclude, It may be an advantage for a certain crowd similar to singers and actresses but why would someone put their health a risk ?
In addition
, those people could have used that money to help the poor rather than wasting a huge sum of money. In my opinion, society should always appreciate their natural
appearance
,
therefore
 the negatives of going through cosmetic surgery far outweigh the positives.
Submitted by migara.dak on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: