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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some areas of the US, a 'curfew' is imposed, in which teenagers are not be allowed to be out fo doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this?

#areas #curfew #teenagers #fo #doors #time #night #adult
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The youngsters who live in specific regions in the US are not permitted to be outside without an accompanying adult at certain hours of the night. I believe
such
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 type of curfew benefits the teens,
although
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 it might seem very restrictive. Since teenagers are susceptible to being in danger of various threats, an older person can protect them. Addiction and being affected by criminals are the two subjects that can be avoided by introducing
such
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 restrictions. In recent years, drugs have influenced many communities of society and younger groups are more targeted by drug dealers.
For instance
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, young people in the US are exposed to different forms of meta-amphetamines, and these sorts of drugs have become more accessible than before.
Moreover
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, parents are concerned about the addictiveness of
such
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 chemical substances
while
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 they are more in hand in nightclubs and parties.
Hence
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, curfews could allow
the
Correct article usage
apply
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parents to control their children by preventing them from going to danger zones.
In addition
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, the rate of crime is higher at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
night than in the mornings. Even though the teenagers might not be directly involved in crime, being in dangerous areas at the wrong time would detrimentally affect them.
For instance
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, thefts are more active in dark times of the day they can they can abuse younger or steal their precious belongings.
As a result
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 , being accompanied by an older person could be an alarm for
such
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 malicious people, and prevent any sorts of bad behaviours. In conclusion, despite the fact that a curfew could violate teenagers' freedom, it could help them to preserve themselves from the dangerous consequences of being outside at late times.
Therefore
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, it allows them to keep their belongings safe
while
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 it ensures the parents that their children are doing well without being exposed to dangerous drugs and addiction.
Submitted by parhaash on

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Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied linking phrases or cohesive devices to better connect your ideas and paragraphs.
Language Use
Ensure clarity by rephrasing or reorganizing sentences to avoid repetition. For instance, the phrase "they can they can" can be simplified for clarity.
Task Achievement
Enhance task achievement by delving deeper into potential counterarguments or perspectives that might disagree with your opinion on curfews.
Introduction
The introduction clearly states an opinion and sets the tone for the essay.
Task Achievement
The essay consistently supports the main opinion with relevant examples, such as the influence of drugs and crime rates at night.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the writer's opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Curfew
  • Boundaries
  • Safety
  • Independence
  • Responsibility
  • Risk
  • Trust
  • Rebellion
  • Social skills
  • Discipline
  • Parent-teen communication
  • Crime rates
  • Enforcement
  • Freedom
  • Social gatherings
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