IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that competitive sports should be included as a subject in school, while others believe that it has negative effect on children. Discuss both the views and give your opinion

#people #sports #school #effect #children
Competing in school is an undeniable part of education, especially in sports
fields
. Some believe that there are enough goals in the schools to be
Correct your spelling
cached
catched
Correct your spelling
caught
show examples
 and
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 matches should not take a place in Syllabus. I opine with the later view. From one point of view,
children
 need
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extra motivation
beside
Change preposition
besides
show examples
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
their academic courses education. Art and
sport
 are the
fields
 where they can show their
tallents
Correct your spelling
talents
 and creativity.
Moreover
 learning how to work in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 team and reach a goal is one
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 most important lesson that they can learn from sports. According to Dr John Smith's research regarding
this
 topic, 73% of the teenagers who participate in
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 teams has
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
higher
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
score
Fix the agreement mistake
scores
show examples
 that their class
Correct your spelling
average
avarage
Correct your spelling
average
 level.
On the other hand
,
children
 need to learn their lessons with
relaxed
Correct article usage
a relaxed
show examples
 mind rather than in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Correct your spelling
challenging
callenging
Correct your spelling
challenging
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
fields
. teenagers are full of
Correct your spelling
energy
enrgy
Correct your spelling
energy
 and pushing them to release it in the exercise
fields
 may lead to personal arguments and break
Add an article
a friendship
the friendship
show examples
friendship
Fix the agreement mistake
friendships
show examples
.
besides
, the priority of
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 and academic courses might be swapped and
children
 may concentrate only on
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 championship, which is not the goal of any institute. I believe that the benefits of
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 matches in schools outweigh its drawback so we need to supervise it to stay in its main goal and look at it as a basis. To sum up above, even though
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 competition in school has some
Correct your spelling
negative
negetive
Correct your spelling
negative
 effects,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
we need to manage it and keep it as a part of
children
's training life.
Submitted by A.SHIRMO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: