IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that competitive sports should be included as a subject in school, while others believe that it has negative effect on children. Discuss both the views and give your opinion

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Competing in school is an undeniable part of education, especially in sports
fields
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. Some believe that there are enough goals in the schools to be
Correct your spelling
cached
catched
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caught
show examples
 and
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 matches should not take a place in Syllabus. I opine with the later view. From one point of view,
children
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 need
an
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apply
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extra motivation
beside
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besides
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if
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apply
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their academic courses education. Art and
sport
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 are the
fields
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 where they can show their
tallents
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talents
 and creativity.
Moreover
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 learning how to work in
the
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a
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 team and reach a goal is one
the
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of the
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 most important lesson that they can learn from sports. According to Dr John Smith's research regarding
this
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 topic, 73% of the teenagers who participate in
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sport
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sports
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 teams has
higher
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a higher
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higher
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apply
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score
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scores
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 that their class
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average
avarage
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average
 level.
On the other hand
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,
children
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 need to learn their lessons with
relaxed
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a relaxed
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 mind rather than in
the
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apply
show examples
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challenging
callenging
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challenging
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sport
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sports
show examples
fields
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. teenagers are full of
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energy
enrgy
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energy
 and pushing them to release it in the exercise
fields
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 may lead to personal arguments and break
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a friendship
the friendship
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friendship
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friendships
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.
besides
Linking Words
, the priority of
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sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 and academic courses might be swapped and
children
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 may concentrate only on
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sport
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sports
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 championship, which is not the goal of any institute. I believe that the benefits of
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sport
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sports
show examples
 matches in schools outweigh its drawback so we need to supervise it to stay in its main goal and look at it as a basis. To sum up above, even though
Use synonyms
sport
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sports
show examples
 competition in school has some
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negative
negetive
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negative
 effects,
but
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apply
show examples
we need to manage it and keep it as a part of
children
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's training life.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • competitive sports
  • physical health
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • obesity
  • life skills
  • teamwork
  • discipline
  • leadership
  • school spirit
  • community
  • camaraderie
  • school pride
  • pressure to perform
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • mental health
  • unhealthy competitive environment
  • inclusiveness
  • cooperation
  • academic pursuits
What to do next:
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