beingselfish is considered a reason for job success? Give your opinion. Reasons with examples

It's considered by some people, that selfishness is the leader to success. In my opinion, I disagree completely with
this
, gaining
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
came
Wrong verb form
comes
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from generosity
as well as
job development.
Firstly
, gaining some experiences
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
show examples
from transferring information from one to another. If every person thinks to keep his knowledge around his circle,
then
work will be harder.
For example
, if old generations decided to keep what they have learnt to themself like making food or producing goods, it will be hard to start every time all over again. So, it is important not to be selfish and share what we have learned by transferring it to others
as well as
gaining knowledge from them or others.
On the other hand
, job development depends on sharing information. in any company or institute section, there are different departments with different specializations,
such
as IT, Survey, Civil, Human resources... etc. any part of them
depend
Correct subject-verb agreement
depends
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on the information from the other
department
Fix the agreement mistake
departments
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to continue the performance effectively. To illustrate, if there is a building construction project and the survey section refuses to give the architecture the survey data,
then
the work will be obstructed.
Although
any section has specialised tasks, the progress and development of their effort should be shared with others to demand the job continue.
To conclude
, opposite
to
Change preposition
apply
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what
it
Correct pronoun usage
I
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thought , being selfish will not lead to success at all in
both
Correct word choice
either
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individual or collective work.
However
, it's important to share knowledge and experience to demand growth and progress.
Submitted by Fatima Sami on

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task response
In your essay, you provided relevant examples to support your views. It's important to continue using specific examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion were clear and adequately presented. Make sure to maintain this level of clarity and coherence in all paragraphs throughout the essay.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Ambitious
  • Driven
  • Motivated
  • Goal-oriented
  • Risk-taker
  • Self-centered
  • Opportunistic
  • Assertive
  • Confident
  • Self-promotion
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