IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Shopping has become a favourite pastime for many young people. Why is this the case? Should they be encouraged to spend their free time in a better way?

Every generation has its peculiarities, including different preferences in the ways of spending their
time
Use synonyms
 after work and studies. Nowadays a lot of young
people
Use synonyms
 choose shopping as their best activity,
this
Linking Words
 issue has some reasons for
this
Linking Words
. The
first
Linking Words
 argument for shopping is a wide range of brands that nearly everyone can afford. It is quite easy to find something that you like and that suits you, as the quality of modern
mass market
Add a hyphen
mass-market
show examples
 products is high. What is more, shopping malls can be found in every town, to say nothing about big cities. These
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 offer a lot of shops that can satisfy any taste. Now
people
Use synonyms
 do not have any problems with
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of beautiful clothes as they used to have in the USSR,
for example
Linking Words
.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, generation “Z” is obsessed with showing off and standing out. In their attempts to do that they buy bright and unusual clothes. Of course, it takes
time
Use synonyms
 to find something special, so, they need to spend their free
time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
shopping. I am inclined to think that it is up to a person whether to spend their
time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
shopping or on other
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
. It might not be popularized to be obsessed with shopping, as it does not have a direct impact on important things
such
Linking Words
 as career, family or spiritual aspects of life. But after all, every obsession is bad, so, everyone should find
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right balance between careless and useful
time
Use synonyms
 spending.
Still
Add a comma
,Still
show examples
 it is not the case that should be widely discussed. To conclude, an opportunity to buy something that you want and willingness to attract others may be the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the popularity of shopping among young
people
Use synonyms
. It is just a tendency that
people
Use synonyms
 do not need to pay too much attention to.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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