IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

It is more effective if doctors do rounds (see patients in the hospital) in pairs, not individually. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#doctors #rounds #patients #pairs
Some today contend that
doctors
 should do rounds in pairs cost more effective. In my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 totally agree with the idea, it could be better not only for the patient
,
Add the word(s)
but,
show examples
also
 for the
doctors
.
First
 of all,
doctors
work
 not individually, as you
work
 in a
Correct your spelling
department
deparment
Correct your spelling
department
 with other colleagues. There are resident
doctors
, who just graduated from university with
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of experience, senior
doctors
 will be their
supervisior
Correct your spelling
supervisor
. You will learn a
lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
lot
show examples
 from your colleagues during the rounds. Very good chance for young
doctors
 could gain experience and handle the situations.
For example
,
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
myself. I spent two years
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
residency
Add an article
a residency
the residency
show examples
 program, and always at the inpatient department early in the morning to check up on
patients
 with my
supervisior
Correct your spelling
supervisor
 and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 studied a
lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
lot
show examples
 from him, which very helpful in my
nowaday
Correct your spelling
nowadays
show examples
 career. Secondary, health care workers do not
work
twenty four
Add a hyphen
twenty-four
show examples
 hours. We have working time per day, start at 8AM in the morning and finish at 5PM
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the same day. By the time
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the end of
working
Add an article
the working
a working
show examples
 hour,
doctors
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 at the hospital, only
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
on
Add a missing verb
are on
show examples
 night shift will be in charge at the
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
. It will be very useful if at the start of
working
Correct article usage
the working
show examples
 day
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
Correct your spelling
department
deparment
Correct your spelling
department
 all together see
patients
. The
doctor
, who is on duty
know
Correct subject-verb agreement
knows
show examples
 about other
patients
.
For instance
, if something
happen
Change the verb form
happens
show examples
 to the
patients
Fix the agreement mistake
patient
show examples
 at night and the
doctor
, who is in charge,
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 at the hospital
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 that moment. Only one
doctor
 left, on duty. He can look after the patient, as they did the round in pairs. In conclusion,
Add an article
the doctor
a doctor
show examples
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
 should do rounds with other colleagues in order
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
better care for the
patients
. In
this
 way,
doctors
 can more faithfully fulfil their Hippocratic oaths.
Submitted by Andy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: