Nowadays more and more older people complete with younger people for the same jobs. What can be the reason for this? What would you suggest as a solution?

#people #jobs #reason

In modern society, many countries are facing a situation, in which the average age is getting higher and higher some

people

believe that

this

is the reason why

people

who are involved in different

generation

Fix the agreement mistake

generations

show examples

compete with each other to get a

job

. I want to say I agree with

this

idea.

Firstly

, I think the main reason is that the number of the young generation is decreasing so the society is composed of older

people

than the previous day.

For example

, especially in Korea, only a few

people

want to get married and have a baby. ,

Moreover

Add a comma

Moreover,

show examples

this

sort of phenomenon leads to the extinction of one who can

work

. Several decades ago, sons or daughters used to give money or physical care to their parents to support them when they

can't

Wrong verb form

couldn't

show examples

work

anymore.

However

, these days they don't have any family who can take care of them. for that reason, more

people

work

longer even after they age.

Therefore

they are supposed to have an occupation like younger

people

Secondly

, to solve

this

problem, I think we need to promote improving

Correct article usage

the

show examples

birth to increase the number of

people

who can

work

. If older

people

don't need to get a

job

and enjoy their spare life, the younger generation can get more jobs than now. But as we know, It

Verb problem

takes

show examples

time taking

job

to apply

this

solution,

thus

we have to find other solutions

such

as creating jobs simultaneously. To summarize, our society confronts a challenge that makes

people

fight each other to get the same

job

. I consider one of the reasons is that the average age is getting higher and higher

due to

reduced

Correct article usage

the reduced

show examples

birth rate. and it leads that the elderly need to

work

after their physical expiration

expired

Wrong verb form

expires

show examples

and I think it can be solved by two solutions.

Submitted by eko2015 on Fri Aug 12 2022

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph contributes to the main argument and use clear topic sentences to guide the reader through the essay.

task achievement

Expand on the reasons and solutions provided in the essay to fully address the prompt and ensure that specific examples are relevant and fully developed.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

304 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4
band
The best for the government to solve the problem of traffic congestion is providing free public transport per day, 7 day a week. To what extent do you agree or disagree.
Over the last two or three decades, traffic congestion has increased more tremendously than ever before due to increasing the ownership of own cars. However, some say that the traffic issuse can be solved by providing the free public transportation of the whole week. I strongly disagree with this notion and this essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons.
6
band
Most people are not interested in how their food has been produced. They only care about how much it costs. How true is this statement? What influences people when they buy food?
There is a concern that most people nowadays do not care about the production methods of their food. Their only concern is how much they have to pay for it. While this may be the case for some, it is not the same for the rest. To my knowledge, there are other important factors beside the price that most would consider before making a purchase, such as nutritional values and having a balanced diet.
8
band
Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behaviour. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.
In the contemporary world, the debate over whether to adhere to local customs and behaviours when visiting a new country or to embrace cultural differences as encouraged by the host country is a prominent topic. From my perspective, both of these viewpoints have their merits, and it is important to consider the implications of each.
6.5
band
In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Due to developments in technology and the tight schedules of individuals, people's lifestyles are getting unhealthier, and gaining weight is becoming common in societies. This phenomenon is caused by two main reasons and a number of solutions are possible.
<4
band
It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science as a subject. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.
There is a current distressing situation that in most of the countries not enough students are choosing to study science as a subject. In fact, it has reached an alarming situation. The following paragraphs would highlight various aspects of this menace and propose a handful of remedial measures.

Nowadays more and more older people complete with younger people for the same jobs. What can be the reason for this? What would you suggest as a solution?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

The best for the government to solve the problem of traffic congestion is providing free public transport per day, 7 day a week. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Most people are not interested in how their food has been produced. They only care about how much it costs. How true is this statement? What influences people when they buy food?

In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science as a subject. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.