IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #reason #work #money
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It is an undeniable fact that people have to earn to satisfy their basic necessities.
However
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, many people claim that they put
hard
Change preposition
in hard
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 efforts to get more income. I completely agree with
this
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 video as
this
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 can result
into
Change preposition
in
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 financial stability, better social status and independence in life.
To begin
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 with, one of the possible reasons for
this
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 view is to attain financial security.
In other words
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, if
the
Correct article usage
apply
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individuals work hard they will get enough
money
Use synonyms
 to save and
making
Wrong verb form
make
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 investments which leads to financial stability. To exemplify, working for longer hours can provide individuals with
an
Remove the article
apply
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extra
money
Use synonyms
 which indirectly increases
economy
Replace the word
economic
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 goals he
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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said.
In addition
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 to
this
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 putting
and
Correct word choice
apply
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enough efforts
at
Change preposition
into
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job
Add an article
a job
the job
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 that gives payment provide independence. In regards to
this
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, people are
no
Correct your spelling
not
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 dependent on someone for
the
Change the word
their
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 income because we can manage and
Add a missing verb
be accountable
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accountable
Replace the word
account
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 for any
situations
Fix the agreement mistake
situation
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.
For instance
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,some members borrow
money
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 from family members and
dependent
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are dependent
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 on them in certain scenarios
Furthermore
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, giving efforts in the job that in return provides capital
also
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 helps to boost social status. If adults have more
money
Use synonyms
 they will receive that appreciation and respect from the community. Not only
they
Add a missing verb
do they
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 become powerful but
also
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 uplift their personality in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. To conclude, citizens tend to do more work to get wages and
that is
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 the reason which
bring
Change the verb form
brings
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 opportunities to achieve economic stability,
setting
Wrong verb form
set
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benchmark
Add an article
the benchmark
a benchmark
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 in the community and
becoming
Wrong verb form
become
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 self-dependent in various phases of life. There for, I totally agree with
this
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 view so that one can get possible outcomes.
Submitted by Dips on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • necessities
  • monetary rewards
  • quality of life
  • luxury items
  • dependents
  • responsibility
  • pursue
  • personal interests
  • cultural pressures
  • wealth accumulation
  • fulfillment
  • visible measure
  • correlate
  • secure future
  • comfortable lifestyle
  • entertainment
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