IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nations should spend more money on skills and vocational training for practical work, rather than on university education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is often argued that a country should invest more money in vocational training rather than tertiary
education
Use synonyms
due to
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 changes in the labour market. I strongly oppose
this
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 idea and will give my reasons below. Practical skills training has been widely embraced , especially by today's youngsters, since it offers financial benefits.
While
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university
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 students are more likely to be put under a lot of strain
due to
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 student debts and overwhelming schoolwork during 4 years, those taking up a vocational course are in relief as training schools are cheap, fast and ease them into employment immediately after course completion.
Moreover
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, people have the option of flexibility when it comes to attending a vocational course
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is a great study pathway for those whose schedule is inconsistent.
For example
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, Upskilled, a registered vocational training
, offers
Check wording
provider, offers
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 online courses for busy people who have a hectic schedule.
Due to
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 financial advantages and time flexibility, vocational
education
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 suits best people who are time-poor or not financially sustainable.
Nonetheless
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, lacking a
university
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 degree does limit one's options, especially in a job market where a
university
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 degree is a minimum requirement. An individual who has a bachelor's degree can have more opportunities to earn a decent salary and get promotions at work.
For example
Linking Words
, The ministers for the Department of
Education
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 sent out a media release highlighting the fact that 90% of
university
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 graduates hold managerial and professional roles
while
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 earning a median salary.
This
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 demonstrates, I believe, that undergraduates might
initially
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 have lower wages
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 they are more likely to get a higher ceiling on future earnings In conclusion,
although
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 vocational
education
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 sounds appealing, it potentially restricts oneself to manual labour or service industry jobs
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whereas
Punctuation problem
, whereas
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 higher
education
Use synonyms
 has the great perk of being able to accelerate one's career ladder.

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task
Plan more to show both sides, then clearly state your view. Use one main idea per paragraph and keep it tight.
coherence
Make your link from line to line smoother. Use simple words to join ideas, like and, but, also, then.
language
Check small grammar and form, and keep words short. Break long sentences into two parts.
task
Clear stand against the idea.
coherence
Good use of an example to show a point.
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