IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The best way to reduce traffic accidents is to raise the age limit for younger drivers and to lower the age limit for elderly ones. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and any relevant examples

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Nowadays, some
people
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 believe that more accidents are done by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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teenagers because of their
age
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 limit and others are like elderly ones. In
this
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 essay, I strongly believe that elder
people
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’s
age
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 limit to be reduced because of their lack of driving, and less
concentration
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.
Firstly
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, elder
people
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 are really difficult to
drive
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 vehicles
due to
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 the
age
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 factor. Especially, they have some physical challenges to
drive
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.
For instance
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, old
age
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people
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drive
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vehicle
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicles
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 continuously so they feel very tired,
also
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 they are unable to control many things.
Additionally
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,
people
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 who are older
age
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, they are unable to
drive
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 long distances, it could be more challenging for them to take over.
On the other hand
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, elder
age
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 persons have less
concentration
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due to
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 their insight problems.
For example
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, they are working in a transport company, they are carrying goods to other location, it might take more than a day, in
this
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 condition they feel alone, thinking about their families so they could less
concentration
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while
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 they
drive
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 a truck or lorry or bus.
Moreover
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, they cannot sleep because of continuous driving,
this
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 kind of action occurs
an
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in an
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 accident and is more risk for their life and others.
To conclude
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, I strongly agree that old
age
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 persons are suitable to
drive
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 vehicles because of have less
concentration
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 and awareness of driving
due to
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 their
age
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 factors so the government should take some action to reduce the
age
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 limit for them.
While
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 taking
this
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 action,
consequently
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 we could control and reduce the accidents.

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and serve well to state your position and summarize your ideas, but the arguments in between could be more clearly structured. Try to divide your essay into clear paragraphs each with a central theme, backed by examples.
task achievement
While you have provided reasons for your position, they need further development and support. Consider expanding on your examples or arguments to make them more convincing.
task achievement
Avoid generalizations and ensure your examples are more specific or realistic. For instance, not all elderly people have difficulty driving due to age. Statistics or examples of policies from other places could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You have effectively outlined the reasons for reducing the driving age limit for elderly people, which aligns with the task prompt.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your argument well, reinforcing your stance on the issue.
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