IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Both governments and individuals are spending vast amount of money protecting animals and their habitat.This money could be better spent dealing with fundamental issues in society such as poverty and health care.

#governments #individuals #amount #money #animals #habitat #society #poverty #health #care
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It is believed by some that ,spending
money
 on natural habitats and
species
 is a waste
instead
 authorities and individuals need to display
an
Remove the article
apply
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attention
on
Change preposition
to
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 commoner's necessities and health problems.I reckon that one's health and needs are more important than protecting nature. On one hand,endangered
species
 and the whole environment is
a
Correct article usage
the
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 responsibility of mankind.Due to that ,fact innumerable citizens are trying to protect wildlife with the help of authorities and unions.Because these
species
 are the living things that maintain the balance of ecology.,
Also
 they are a reason for a tourist attraction in one direction
however
to
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apply
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the maintenance of endangered
species
 cost a chunk of
money
,not only the foods but
also
 their vitamins and minerals.When there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 a plethora of social problems are retained in society governors should divert their attention toward people.
For example
,In Sri Lanka government has separated
money
 for the maintenance of endangered
species
 and habitats.
On the other hand
,In ,
community
Add an article
the community
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 there are individuals who are in shortage of assistance
such
 as shelter,Toilets, and Water.Due to the shortage of ,
money
 they can not pay for a proper meal per day,not only the elders who face
this
 dilemma but
also
 children are suffering from diseases like marasmus, and diarrhoea.Because they do not even have a proper drainage system due to the poor function of government.
Moreover
,The cost of daily drugs has been inflated with the economy,if authorities were to fund 50% for health needs elderly people able to pay for their monthly prescription of medicines.
This
 will reduce their financial burden to some extent. To conclude,In my ,opinion I think that social necessities and individual physical needs deserve more attention rather than animals.
Submitted by gihanagaya1993 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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