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Band 6

Some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
In recent years, it has become increasingly common for
children
 to spend a lot of
time
 on their
smartphones
.
This
 phenomenon can happen because of several factors, including the rise of mobile entertainment, social
media
, and educational apps,
as well as
 the widespread availability of
smartphones
.
This
 essay explains that
this
 is a negative development
due to
 its potential effects on their health and social skills. One reason
children
 spend hours on their
smartphones
 is the never-ending entertainment that can be accessed at any
time
. Mobile games,
for example
, have bright
colors
Change the spelling
colours
show examples
 and engaging graphics that
keeps
Change the verb form
keep
show examples
 the user hooked. Other than that, social
media
also
 plays a big part. Users can communicate and share photos from people all over the world without needing to meet them directly.
Additionally
, educational apps and online learning platforms make
smartphones
 a tool for studying,
further
 encouraging
children
 to spend
time
 on these devices for both leisure and learning.
However
,
this
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 can have a negative effect on their health.
Children
 who spend too much
time
 on their devices may struggle with face-to-face communication. Constant engagement with virtual worlds and social
media
 can reduce real-life interactions, which are crucial for building social intelligence and emotional resilience.
This
 may
also
 contribute to feelings of loneliness and anxiety, as social
media
 can sometimes create unrealistic standards and lead to comparison or social pressure. In conclusion,
while
smartphones
 may provide
children
 with entertainment and learning materials, I believe that spending hours on these devices each day has a negative impact. It can affect physical health and social skills.
Therefore
, it is important for parents and educators to control and encourage more balanced activities that promote healthy growth in
children
.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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relevant specific examples
Try to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points. For instance, mention particular studies, statistics, or expert opinions that describe the negative impacts of smartphone usage on children's health or social interactions.
supported main points
While the structure is generally good, ensure each point is fully developed with clear evidence or examples. This will strengthen the argument and improve the essay's overall impact.
logical structure
The essay flows logically from introduction through conclusion, effectively explaining why children spend time on smartphones and exploring the consequences.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, providing a clear outline of the essay and summarizing the main argument effectively.
complete response
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear opinion on the issue and adequately discussing both the reasons and implications of the situation.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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