Working is taking a more important role in people's lives. Why are people working so much? Do you think this trend is good or bad?
In the modern era, working consumes most of the lifetime of people, which become ordinary in today's society. In
this
essay, the reason why individuals have to devote themselves to work
, and my negative opinion toward the trend will be presented before my conclusion is reached.
One of the reasons that they have to work
a lot is to generate income. These days, individuals use money as a medium to buy necessities including food, houses, medicine, and clothes. Therefore
, working hard to earn money is crucial to feed themselves. Moreover
, If those have family
and kids to take care of, they need to do more occupations to generate more income to feed their families too. Fix the agreement mistake
families
For example
, when you have children, you need to do extra jobs for paying
tuition fees, food, students' uniforms, stationery, medicine, and so on. Change preposition
to pay
Hence
, working is very crucial for living in the present world, which uses cash to pay for everything.
Although
doing jobs can generate money for better well-being, too much work
is presumably considered a bad trend because it can cause disastrous effects on those who do not have a work
-life balance. First,
it wreaks havoc on physical and mental health. For instance
, Japanese officers work
more than 8 hours a day, and 6 days a week, which makes them have rest time to take rest and suffer from depression. Eventually, the country is reported to have the highest rate of citizens who commit suicide in the world. Second,
it harms the relationship between important people such
as family and friends. Children who spend less quality time with their parent
is likely to be aggressive and addicted to narcotic drugs. Fix the agreement mistake
parents
Consequently
, when these grow up, they will make
trouble for society in the future.
In conclusion, Verb problem
cause
this
essay discussed the reason that individuals need to do jobs for gaining
income to feed themselves and their families, Change preposition
to gain
as well as
my perspective that too much work
can be detrimental to human health, and the relationship among family members. People need to balance the importance between
their Change preposition
of
career
and personal Fix the agreement mistake
careers
life
.Fix the agreement mistake
lives
Submitted by pantamitsaekong on
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task response
Task Response: The essay provides a clear response to the given topic, addressing reasons for the increase in working hours and expressing a negative opinion on the trend. The ideas are relevant and well-developed.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The transition between ideas is generally smooth, but there are areas where the connection between sentences and paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.