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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people spend a lot of money celebrating personal family events, such as weddings and birthdays. How important is it to celebrate such events? Do you think people spend too much money on these events?

#people #money #events #weddings #birthdays
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In today's contemporary era spending capacities of the general public have increased significantly.
As a result
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, on celebratory occasions like birthdays and weddings,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to spend huge amounts to show off in front of their near and dear ones and make that event memorable. In my opinion, it is vital to celebrate these important occasions as it makes an individual feel
recoganised
Correct your spelling
recognised
recognized
 on his special day and creates an important memory.
Moreover
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, I feel society members do overspend during
such
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 celebrations, and that money could rather be spent judiciously on a noble cause.
Firstly
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, the
people
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 of the community love following the prevalent trend.
Therefore
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, they try and mimic their friends and relatives who probably would have spent an immense amount on a recent celebration.
Moreover
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, celebrating a birthday or an anniversary has
also
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 become a social ritual, which makes it increasingly important for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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community members to celebrate.
For instance
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, it is very
rife
Correct word choice
common
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 these days to find
the
Correct article usage
apply
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photos uploaded by social media users of their birthday celebrations on Facebook.
Besides
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,
such
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 moments
also
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 create memories and make that person happy.
Hence
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, it is apparent why
people
Use synonyms
do
Verb problem
apply
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consider these events special. Undoubtedly, with a rise in financial abilities, families waste a colossal amount of funds
while
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 organising
such
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 events, which is mostly because they want to showcase themselves in front of society.
Consequently
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, a great sum is wasted on a big scale, which
otherwise
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 could have been used as an aid for the needy.
For example
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, numerous
people
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 nowadays, donate some money to NGOs on their birthdays rather than wasting it on parties.
To sum up
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, one can conclude that
rich
Correct article usage
a rich
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 community does spend a humongous amount on family events as it is considered important to celebrate and make them unforgettable.
Furthermore
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, trends that are prevalent in society are copied by most
people
Use synonyms
 in
this
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 social modern world.
Submitted by abhaygill003 on

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task response
Provide a clear opinion on the importance of celebrating personal family events and the issue of overspending. Also, provide a recommendation on whether people spend too much money on these events.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas. Use transition words and cohesive devices to improve coherence and cohesion.
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