IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

#countries #people #work #travel #year #school #university #studies
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Many
people
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 believe that young
people
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 should have a
year
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 off for
work
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 or
travel
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 before
start
Change the form of the verb
starting
show examples
 to
study
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 in universities. From my point of view, there are both advantages and disadvantages
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 assertion. On the one hand, there are some advantages when young
people
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 have a
year
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 to enjoy their life and experience
working
Correct article usage
a working
show examples
 environment.
Firstly
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, it is a chance to relax after 12 years of
study
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 and adults may have time to think carefully about their careers and hobbies during
travelling
Add an article
the travelling
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 period.
Furthermore
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, the
overall
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 experiment of
travel
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 to new places is eye-opening and breath-taking. Young
people
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 will understand about cultures and customs
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 other countries.
Therefore
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, they may have
colorful
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colourful
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 life and unforgettable memories during
time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
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 of
travel
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.
Secondly
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, one
year
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 of working provide more experiment for young
people
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 and realize the
different
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difference
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 between theories and practices.
Thus
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,
students
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 will be equipped well before starting university studies.
On the other hand
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, young
people
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 should consider carefully before
decide
Change the form of the verb
deciding
show examples
 to take a gap
year
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 of
study
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 to
travel
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 or
work
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. The amount of money for
travel
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 is a heavy burden to their parents so it should be impractical for young
people
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 who decide to do
this
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.
Additionally
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,
students
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 still lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
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experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
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for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working so it is hard to find a good job with
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 salary if they just
finish
Wrong verb form
finished
show examples
 high school.
Moreover
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,
students
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 may not
good
Add a missing verb
be good
show examples
 at motivating to
study
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 after one
year
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 because a
year
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 off to
work
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 and
travel
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 is quite long. In conclusion, a gap
year
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 to
work
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 or
travel
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 has both advantages and disadvantages.
Hence
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,
students
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 should
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 carefully before
decide
Change the form of the verb
deciding
show examples
 to do
this
Linking Words
.
Submitted by minhthu8166 on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Life experience
  • Work ethic
  • Career readiness
  • Self-discovery
  • Delayed gratification
  • Intellectual stagnation
  • Financial implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Academic trajectory
What to do next:
Look at other essays: