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Band 6

People living in the 21st century have a better life quality than people who lived in previous times. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Recent years have witnessed that advanced technology has provided comfort for the public.
However
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, some may argue whether an enhanced quality of life is reached or not is still a widely debated topic. Despite the lack of satisfaction
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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regarded by a small proportion of citizens, I firmly believe that current technology is beneficial for the
overall
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 community well over the previous decades.
To begin
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 with, the communication barrier has been narrowed in the 21st century. There is no denying that old-fashioned methods may contain shortcomings
such
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 as inconvenience.
For instance
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, peers may
require
Wrong verb form
be required
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 to use phone calls or meet up,
while
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 companies may constitute a drain of time and resources to do business within countries. By expanding the territories of instant communications, platforms
such
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 as Zoom or Microsoft Teams can not only have conservations in any circumstances but
also
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 increase one's opportunities in trades and businesses.
Therefore
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, in terms of increased income and convenience, current society has better moments.
On the other hand
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, more occupational opportunities are
invited
Verb problem
offered
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 around the globe. A recent survey conducted by China has mentioned most cities have created policies
such
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 as 12 years of free education for children and invited
potential
Change the word
potentially
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 ambitious people to join big industries to display their strengths.
For example
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, Apple is well-known for recruiting endeavours students nowadays, inasmuch as they have acquired a university's engineering degree to broaden their horizons and devote their capabilities,
whereas
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 a doctoral degree must be achieved to enter
this
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 territory in the past.
Consequently
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, an abundance of jobs can be chosen in the current timeline,
conversely
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, it was a burden to find a high-paid job albeit a university degree had been achieved.
To conclude
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, in regard to the advantages of technology and demands on labour, it is certain that more people's
overall
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 quality of life can be enhanced,
hence
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, the level of satisfaction in daily lives can be maintained.

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task response
Task Response: The essay effectively addresses the given prompt and presents the writer's opinion on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure of the essay is well-maintained, but there are some issues with the introduction and conclusion. Additionally, the examples provided need to be more specific and relevant to support the main points effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Quality of life
  • Technological advances
  • Healthcare systems
  • Life expectancy
  • Information access
  • Digital tools
  • Comfort and convenience
  • Modern conveniences
  • Mental health
  • Environmental degradation
  • Urbanization
  • Human rights
  • Social advancement
  • Life satisfaction
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