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Band 7.5

In the past, people stored knowledge in books. Nowadays, people store knowledge on the internet. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #books #store #internet #development
These days,
books
 have been superseded by the
Internet
 when it comes to
knowledge
 storage. In my opinion, the drawbacks of
this
 trend are greater than its benefits. On the one hand, storing
knowledge
 on the
Internet
 is greatly beneficial.
To begin
 with, the
Internet
 allows people to access
knowledge
 from an immense number of sources. With the help of search engines like Google or Firefox,
internet
 users can explore content on various topics with a couple of mouse clicks.
Therefore
, they can get access to
information
 immediately anywhere, which is cheaper, much more convenient and time-saving compared to looking for the same amount of
knowledge
 from printed
books
.
In addition
,
knowledge
 on the
Internet
 is stored in different formats, which helps learners absorb the
information
 more effectively. Unlike
books
, which present
information
 in the form of texts or images only, the
Internet
 provides learners with
knowledge
 in both texts and digital forms like audio or videos. Auditory learners,
for example
, would find learning via podcasts, which are common on many websites, more useful than reading
books
.
On the other hand
, I believe that storing
knowledge
 on the
Internet
 brings about more significant disadvantages.
First,
the reliability of
information
 on the web is not guaranteed. Since anything can be posted on the
Internet
 without verification, there are many unreliable sources which deliver inaccurate
knowledge
, making it hard for an average user to differentiate between true and false
information
.
Moreover
, digital piracy is another problem when it comes to online
knowledge
 storage. The
Internet
 has paved the way for the boom in copyright infringements in the
last
 decade. Tons of websites are distributing pirated, free electronic
books
 to increase their web traffic, which can help them earn money from running online advertisements.
Such
 illegal distribution is difficult to control and causes the publishing industry to lose millions of dollars every year. In conclusion, I believe that the advantages of storing
knowledge
 online are outweighed by its drawbacks.
Submitted by nttung.182 on

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task achievement
Try to ensure that examples and arguments directly support your main point to enhance clarity. Some examples, while relevant, might benefit from a clearer link to your central argument.
coherence cohesion
Incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases could improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs, enriching your essay's coherence.
introduction conclusion present
You successfully introduced and concluded your essay, effectively framing your argument.
logical structure
Your essay demonstrates good structural organization, with clear paragraphs and a logical flow.
supported main points
You provided relevant examples to support your points, enhancing your argument's persuasiveness.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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