IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

International entertainers, including sports personalities often get paid millions of dollars in one year. In your view, with widespread poverty in the world are these huge earning justified?

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Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 know for their income in the society, actors and sports
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
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 have got a lot of money for their work annually,
however
Linking Words
, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Add an article
the people
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thinking
Wrong verb form
think
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that is
Linking Words
 not quite good for
Use synonyms
country
Add an article
the country
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 as economics getting down and
people
Use synonyms
 fighting for his own needs.
Thus
Linking Words
, I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement which I am going to discuss in the below paragraph with relevant examples.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the government is paying
a good salaries
Correct the article-noun agreement
a good salary
good salaries
show examples
 for the player and entertainers to keep maintaining their self in front of every
people
Use synonyms
. They always stand for
country
Use synonyms
 economics and keep
Use synonyms
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 ahead on the stage.
For example
Linking Words
, athletes are bringing meddle for
Use synonyms
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 and that makes us proud for the represent our nation.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 image getting an increase
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the other international competitors, which requires for to give another
treat
Correct your spelling
threat
show examples
 for the player and international
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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. More, they have a lot of expenses on their own, they need to keep a
socially
Change the adverb
social
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 appearance
with
Change preposition
like
show examples
 normal
people
Use synonyms
 as well as to keep
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
safety from other threats.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, few individuals are against
this
Linking Words
 because of poverty in the
country
Use synonyms
.
Some
Change preposition
In some
show examples
 countries
people
Use synonyms
 are fighting for their needs and are not able to survive.
For instance
Linking Words
, Like Shri Lanka
country
Use synonyms
 currently battle with their own needs but players are living the good life because they earned so much for their future and every small thing amount reaches
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the sky which normal
people
Use synonyms
 cannot buy. To conclude, I am totally agreeing with
this
Linking Words
, all countries need to look at their own status as well as their
country
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
fight for food, shelter and clothes.

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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