Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
Sweet
food
and drink can cause many health issues and some people
think these products should be more expensive to make people
reduce their consumption. This
is not a valid suggestion because it can result in other negative problems.
One problem that can be caused by increasing the price of sweet food
is that it makes people
more excited about it. That means when something is less common or out of access, individuals are more curious about it. Take censorship as an example. It is very common among people
to watch and hear the news or movies which have been censored.
Another reason is that this
approach can lead to some wrong behavior and some people
may abuse the situation in order to take advantage of people
. For example
, in Iran, when the government increased the price of cigarettes in order to decline smoking, the result was shocking. That decision not only increased the number of smokers but also
created new jobs like cigarette dealers. Additionally
, some people
who really like sweet food
and drink would be deprived of these products, so this
approach can make them depressed because they cannot have their interesting food
.
On the other hand
, some people
claim that increasing the prices could be practical because people
consume less sweet food
. This
approach would never be beneficial because people
usually do not care about the prices and their curiosity makes them eat even more.
In conclusion, although
some claim that increasing the price of sugary products can be practical, that can bring some more serious problems to society.Submitted by Shahdadi.m76 on
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task response
In your introduction, it's good to clearly state your position. You have done this well. However, your reasons should be more clearly outlined in the introduction to give a better overview of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next one. Though your points are clear, linking phrases and concluding sentences at the end of each paragraph can help improve logical flow.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of vocabulary and attempt more varied sentence structures to demonstrate higher language proficiency.
task response
In your body paragraphs, make sure each main point is clearly supported by examples or explanations. While your examples are relevant, ensure they are fully developed and directly linked to your main points.
task response
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which help to frame your argument effectively.
task response
Your ideas are clear and relevant to the topic. You have provided specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.
coherence and cohesion
You demonstrate a logical structure in your essay, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.